Kitty STDs

It appears that my friend Andrew got his panties in a tizzy over the mention of feline Chlamydia from my last post. While I amuse myself greatly by calling Otto "Chlamydia face," feline Chlamydia is actually only a form of conjunctivitis. It is not an STD. Otto's sexual function has long since been taken away...

Cat Update

So, "little kitty, big balls" (as Anne has kindly named the stray due to his not being neutered yet) and Gunner are duking it out for the right to be King. They have now crapped on the bathroom floor, on the rug outside of the bathroom, pissed on Ada's skirt, sprayed the entrance carpeting, and peed in my basket of scarves. That is on top of "little kitty, big balls" giving Otto Chlamydia and him and Gunner being treated for upper repiratory problems. You would think that soemone's head would explode (i.e. "someone" = me), but so far I've taken it very well, I think.

I used to live in Vincent's house on 13th Street, which, if none of you visited or remember, used to be the kitty pee mecca of the Western world. Before I had even moved in, Daisy had a UTI which caused her to piddle everywhere except in the litter box. Vince never had the carpets cleaned, so that meant that Daisy and Chi-Chi (once he moved in) urinated wherever they felt like it, because the whole house smelled like a litter box.

And I can see the two-story apartment as litterbox theory emerging here, but my hopes are up. It looks as though "little kitty, big balls" will be heading off into the great wide yonder on Friday. Vandra has agreed to adopt him and as the medication is running down for the respiratory problems, it's time to say goodbye. So, very much like the children in The Sound of Music, I will sing chorus after chorus of, "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night..."

And where is my Christmas spirit, you ask? Well, my friends, it seems to have dimmed somewhat when I looked at the temperature today and discovered that it was 17 degrees outside and most of my scarves now smell like cat piss. (Oh, what is that you say? You hear that can put a damper on things...? How right you are!)

In other news, Anthony will be here to regale me with his presence tomorrow. We have a whole day and a half to watch all the Christmas movies he can stand! He promises to be enthusiastic, but he may be looking for the nearest exit after several versions of The Christmas Carol... mwahahahahahahahahahaaaa!

I can't believe it's only Wednesday.

Yesterday I bought a humidifier for George (a.k.a. simple house plant that Ryan feels the need to name - "I'm gonna love him and hug him and name him George," says the Abominable Snowman to Bugs Bunny in Looney Toons) and it turns out that I bought a cool mist humidifier. So what that means to me is that my room is now about the same temperature as it is outside, replete with the requisite breeze from the little fan on top of the filter. Oh, and the outside temperature? A whopping 35 degrees (Fahrenheit), although with the 14mph winds it feels like 26 (or so says my weather webpage).

On top of that, I purchased a string of Christmas lights for George, and after dropping a few branches - which by the way will never grow back - it now looks like I've strangled the poor thing. What a loving plant mommy I turned out to be.

So on Friday Anthony no longer gets to enjoy a nice evening of peace and comfort in the warm throes of my orange room. Instead he gets to have his nether regions turn into icicles whilst he unplugs the stupid humidifier and drags it back to CVS to exchange it for a warm mist model. And he also gets to help me get my Christmas ornaments and the like out of storage, and drop off a bunch of Vincent's things at the house on 13th Street. And he even gets to take me grocery shopping! Will the fun never end???

Christmas is coming...
Christmas is coming
The goose is getting fat
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny
A ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny
God bless you...


So, we're ringing in the new round of holidays with songs from seasons past. I distinctly remember all the words to this song (above), despite the fact that the last time I sang it in concert was sometime in middle school.

Anyway.

As of today, I am completely finished with Christmas shopping and am on to Christmas wrapping. My family's gifts were all delivered by Thanksgiving, but it is the rest of you schmucks that took all this time to buy for. Well, actually, it isn't really so much your fault as it is the fault of the system that keeps me employed, but only pays me enough to barely cover my credit card bill these days. I now have to space out my holiday spending...which is something I don't think I have had to do since I was young, maybe even too young to remember.

Although I did finally get a tree, my friends. With all of Vincent's former rants about live Christmas trees being a terrible thing, and Anthony and Corinne's "Bah Humbug!" spirit, I bought a Norfolk Island Pine yesterday. These trees are native to Austrailia and New Zealand, and in their home environment grow to be about 100 feet tall. However, when kept as indoor trees in a planter, they grow to about 6 feet. My tree, George, is currently a 2 1/2 foot wonder. Today I plan on getting him a humidifier and some Christmas lights. He will be beautiful...!

Last night I also initiated my kind of Christmas season by watching the first of a whole series of Christmas movies! Vincent dropped off some CDs for me while he was in town and I talked him into a little bit of Frosty the Snowman. So I have had a half-hour taste of what my holidays will be like... Anthony, watch out! You are in for a whole slew of movies...Muppet Christmas Carol, A Christmas Carol with George C. Scott, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life....all the Ryan-proof classics. And now that he has a cold (although he will insist he is well), I will be forcing him to sit down, relax, and do nothing but eat, drink, watch movies and be merry like Christmas!!!!