Inception: The Review

Don't read this if you don't want to know anything about this movie.  Just don't.  And don't say I didn't warn you.

Let me start with my overall take on this film, so when I get all sorts of picky in 30 seconds, you'll remember that I actually enjoyed this film.  I walked away feeling pretty satisfied with the movie, and not just because I got to sit in a Laz-i-Boy and order my meal from my theater seat.  This is a pretty solidly entertaining film, full of pretty fantastic acting.

BUT.  This is where I get picky folks, so if you don't want to hear it, go back and re-read that last paragraph.

I expect a lot out of movies, especially ones that are trying to be so tightly designed as this one.  So when a film has everything going for it and some little flaw flaunts itself, it drives me batty and I have to say something.  Because really, where is the joy in life if it is not in criticizing other people's hard work?

So, here are the pecadillos, in no particular order:

• Ellen Page, my friends.  I shouldn't have to say anything else, but I'm going to.  You and I may have loved her in Juno, because she was basically put on this earth to play that role (where deadpan delivery was a requirement), but her generally emotionless face and wooden acting need more work.  When she is standing in the same room as Leonardo DiCaprio (who, I have to say, I am not the world's biggest fan of, but even I can admit that the man can act his ass off), I expect her to rise to the challenge.  If she's playing a character that has to scold his, she better freakin' make me believe it.  She was almost there.  Like that famous Shel Silverstein poem, "Almost perfect, but not quite."
• The laws of physics.  Okay, this film is all about the idea of people entering each other's dreams to plant or steal ideas, so there's a bit of suspension of disbelief going on to start.  But there is one scene in particular that bothers me: the one with Joseph Gordon-Levitt fighting some unknown actor in the 2nd dream level down after they have lost gravity because in the first dream level, Gordon-Levitt's sleeping body is suspended  in that zero-gravity state because he is in a van that is toppling backwards off a bridge into a river below.  The fighting men are supposed to be tossed about in the same way that Gordon-Levitt's body is being tossed about in the van as it hurtles towards the water.  However, the movements don't match up.  I know this is a really picky thing, but it's quite noticeable after you've spent over an hour in the theatre watching a film that is impeccably aligned despite what could be a very difficult plot to follow.
• Offhand commentary is NOT funny.  This is just a minor annoyance, but I think it's a sign of some poor screenwriting choices.  There are a few moments when the director allowed the actors to drop themselves into a buddy action movie, where flip comments that go for easy laughs are a dime a dozen.  Unfortunately for this film, the comments are completely out of character when they're done.  I'm not saying that they don't get the laughs (JM was sitting next to me and laughing heartily each time one of these comments was uttered), but I found them to be a bit jarring and out-of-place.
• BAD ENDING.  Okay, this is the big one for me.  So, one of the key ideas in this film is that all these dreamwalkers, for lack of a better term, have one way to remind their brains that they are in a dream or in the real world.  Each dreamwalker carries his or her own token, for which only s/he knows the real dimensions and weight of.  If something is off with the token, then the dreamwalker is still in the dream world.  For DiCaprio's character, that token is a top, which used to belong to his late wife.  If he is in the dream world, the top spins forever as the rules of gravity don't necessarily apply.  However, if the top falls over after spinning for a while, he knows he has re-entered the real world.  The movie ends with DiCaprio spinning the top and walking away before he finds out if he is the real world or the dream world, with the camera staying focused on the spinning top, fading to the credits just at the moment that it seems we, the audience, would find out which world he was in.  THIS REALLY PISSES ME OFF.  This is such an art-school ending that I cannot even begin to describe my displeasure at this type of ending.  There is nothing that indicates the sheer arrogance of a movie as much as this type of ending.  They want you, the audience, to decide what ending you think should have happened.  People will come out of this movie swearing that DiCaprio made everything right in the end and got to return to his real life in the real world because of it.  Others will come out of it swearing the exact opposite - that he lost his connection to the real world and instead chose to remain in his mind, where he could invent whatever story made him the most happy.  A movie of true quality will not let you leave the theatre wondering what happened.  Or so I say at least.  I watch movies to see stories that have closure, very much unlike real life.  I do not want to leave the theatre feeling confused, wondering, "Whatever happened to that nice boy, Leo DiCaprio?"

So, that's me being a critic.  And it's so much easier for me to be nit-picky than to be nice, but please know that the movie was a completely enjoyable experience.  You may even think it's the best thing since sliced bread.  All I know is that it was a $10 well spent, but I won't be buying the DVD or failing to voice my opinion if asked.  (Hell, even if not asked.)  Go out to the theatre and make up your own mind.

I love you, DOT

I never thought it would get any better than The Strand Theatre in my hometown.  Several years ago, someone decided to renovate an old theatre located on the main street in town and turn it into a movie theatre.  The result is this really beautiful, authentic piece of usable history.  Tickets are inexpensive as the theatre plays second-run films, but it's really quite worthwhile.  The right and left sides of the theatre have bar-like seating, while the center hosts series of seats interpersed with tables.  And in the back of the theatre is a full-service kitchen, where you go to get your burgers, fries, onion rings, beer, wine, soda, pizza, chicken fingers, popcorn... I really love this theatre! 

The only other theatre I've ever been in that I love almost as much is the series of Ritz Theaters in Philadelphia, which aren't as exciting in terms of food, but they host both blockbuster films AND independent and foreign films, which is something The Strand does not.  The Ritz Theaters are also a large part of the venue for the Philadelphia Film Festival, which will always hold a very special place in my heart as I volunteered with them for many years as they transitioned from a small nothing of a festival into such a fantastic Festival, with a capital "F."  Freakin' fantastic.

BUT.  I have finally found an equal.  For different reasons, but I am in love all the same.  There is a movie theater here in Buenos Aires that actually rivals The Strand and the Ritz Theaters.  It's the Hoyt's at the DOT mall (please don't ask me to tell you what DOT stands for, I really have no idea), which is located as far away from my apartment as humanly possible of course.

Here's why it rocks my socks off:

• You buy your tickets in advance and you PICK YOUR SEATS.  That's right, folks, assigned seating.  The only other theatre I know of that does this is that crappy theatre they built at 40th and Walnut in Philadelphia for all the rich Penn kids to go waste their parents money on.  The idea is fantastic, and helps you to avoid that really irritating "The 20" or whatever other crap they're now showing prior to the movie starting.  I am the first to admit I have an undying affection for previews, but I don't like commercials, inside the making of whatever crap show is coming out on Fox or HBO or whatever, or being forced to sit through yet another actor's senseless babble about the making-of for whatever pet film they're developing.  So yeah, assigned seating: AWESOME.
• When you arrive, you get access to a VIP room, replete with it's own set of bathrooms, a full-service bar, and a really nice lounge area, where you can order food.  Which brings me directly to...
• You can order food and HAVE IT DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR SEAT.  Did you hear me, people?  FOOD.  DELIVERED.  TO.  YOUR.  SEAT.
• Okay, so if you didn't actually order popcorn or a hamburger or that Thai stirfry wok thingy when you were in the VIP room, there is a button on your chair, very much like the button near your seat on an airplane, which you can use to call an attendant to your seat.  And then you can order your super-sized popcorn with extra butter.
• And, if that's not enough for you, all the seats in the theatre are Laz-i-Boy recliners.  I am not kidding.  There are maybe 30 seats in the whole theater.  With tables.  And buttons to call attendants for seat-side service.

It was all I could do not to giggle in glee throughout the entire movie.  Or pass out, I was so comfortable.  Whichever came first, really.

If someone in the movie theater business ever combines all these ideas together - a movie theater with Laz-i-Boys, seat-side food service, assigned seating, and shows both blockbusters and independent/foreign films - I will be the happiest customer ever.  Especially if they add full-on foot massages and mani-pedi services.

With a moo-moo here, and a moo-moo there...

One of the biggest events of the year here in Buenos Aires is the Palermo Livestock Show, which is an exhibit of livestock, agriculture, and international industry. And yes, I said "livestock show."  

I'm told that over 400 vendors come from all the different provinces of Argentina to attend and there are exhibits of  local argentine handicrafts, cooking demonstrations, local food exhibits, horse shows, agricultural equipment displays, and loads of livestock.  There are over 3,500 animals, including many different breeds of cows.

The Livestock Show also just so happens to take place in La Rural, the block-sized exposition building right next to the embassy.  When I found out that not only would there be hundreds of cows and lots of tasty food, but we could also flash our embassy badges to get in for free, I was sold on the idea. 

So I walked the twenty feet from the embassy entrance to La Rural and couldn't believe my eyes.  Such an immense space, just full of lovely, SMOOSHABLE!, doe-eyed cows with finger-length eyelashes.  Such adorable cows!  And people actually VACUME THE COWS.  To make their hair more fluffy.  Fluffy, adorable dinner, I tell you.

 There were also roosters and chickens, chinchillas (right next to chinchilla-fur coats - I see your future, guys, and it's not looking happy), bunnies!, and just about every type of livestock you could imagine. 

There was also about five bazillion people.  The later it got, the more people appeared.  It actually got to the point where I, despite having a good 6-7 inches over the majority of the attendees (apparently, country folk are a bit shorter than their bonaerense cousins), couldn't see the displays anymore.

But I couldn't leave without having a taste of the fabled choripan.  Which is basically a sausage in a bun, but you don't know what you're missing until you've finally tasted one.  However, the process is a bit of a pain the ass.  There is a separate tent just to order and pay for your food and then you take your ticket to another tent and fight with a bunch of rude Argentines for primacy before getting the attention of the people who are collecting tickets and doling out food.

When I say "rude," I mean to say that I had about 3 or 4 grandmothers physically grab me and push me out of the way, all the while yelling above the fray about what they ordered and waving their ticket in the air with the one hand that's not being used to push me out of the way.  It got to the point that I started throwing elbows and really using my height to my advantage. 

However, my friend Sandra: not so lucky.  She is petite, even by Argentine countryfolk standards.  And this is an action shot of her trying to get back out of crowd, after finally being noticed by someone controlling the issuance of choripan.  You'll note her by looking for a slightly squished person clutching desperately at a basket of fries as she emerges from the masses.

These people are animals, I tell you.  ANIMALS. 

But the choripan, it couldn't have been better if I had raised and slaughtered it myself.