Yael, I don't know how you do it

If nothing else, adopting Grace and Pookie Monster has shown me that there is no way in hell I'm going to want to have children. Some people say it's a maturity thing, others say it's a maternal thing, and all the people I talk to say that I'll eventually grow to want it.

While I'm willing to concede the point that I may in fact one day have children, and maybe even want to, I don't feel like people think that it's a valid choice for a woman to not have children - even in this day and age. No matter how nice the people I talk to are, I still feel like they're patting my childish little head with that knowing smile every time I say "no" to the whole concept of birthing a brood of young heathens.

These days my life is consumed with care for my two little charges and, unlike human children, they will never be able to help out with chores around the house as they grow older. (Unless covering the living room couch with fur or crapping on the floor ever become household chores.) This means that they are in fact helpless and dependent upon me for at least the next decade. I will simply have to learn how to be a nice mommy when I'm exhausted and all I really want to do is kick a baby bunny in the face (note to animal lovers: it's called "exaggeration").

I simply can't imagine how my friends who have had children (Christy, Yael, Tyler and Saleah) manage. Seriously. Not a single one of them is a stay-at-home parent. Christy spent a long time being the only salary-earner in her home, and Yael, Tyler and Saleah have maintained full-time jobs for as long as I've known them.

Right now, I only have to survive Anthony's ten-day vacation taking care of two animals and I'm ready to collapse. Somewhere between working full-time, cleaning up after myself, and studying for the FS Exam, I'm ready to shoot the cute, fuzzy animals.

I can't begin to fathom the stress of having a human child. My experiences these past few days have only led me to conclude that when Anthony starts traveling with the Secretary's Detail this Fall and I'm working and schooling full-time, I am going to need some serious meds to prevent myself from going postal.

All of you who are full-time parents and full-time employees, and manage to do it without breaking out the semi-automatic weaponry, to you I bow down. You are my heroes.

A funny thing happened on the way into work

Have you read about this business between the Capitol Police and Representative Cynthia McKinney? Rep. McKinney is claiming that she is the victim of "inappropriate touching" and discrimination at the hands of a Capitol Police officer. If the police sources that are providing information to the media are correct, then this is the most ridiculous case to hit the newspapers this week.

The police are saying that McKinney wasn't wearing any identification to enter a House office building and did not respond to an officer's three requests to stop. He then put a hand on her and she hit him.

The reason I believe the police is because I have been on that side of the law before, and you are constantly dealing with politicians who think they are above the law (i.e. they don't have to listen to you). On more than one occasion, I have had to make one of these "important" people uncomfortable to be able to do my job. And when you think about it, these federal officers' job is to keep people safe - they put their lives on the line to do so.

I used to live by the motto, "ask, tell, and make," which generally means that you ask nicely the first time, then you tell them, and if neither of those options works, you make them get the hell out of your way. In my opinion, that Capitol police officer was much nicer than he needed to be.

This may sound a little harsh to you, but it enables these officers to continue to offer the highest quality of protection to those who are most in danger of political assassination. If, as a government representative, you cannot acknowledge and respect the work that these people do for you, then you don't deserve the protection that they willingly commit their lives to providing.

Ms. McKinney, I highly suggest you grow up.

(p.s. Yes, I know that in the past I have lodged many a complaint about the time I spent working as a federal agent, but I would never question any of my colleagues' commitment to the protection of the American ideal. On many occasions I felt their criticisms misplaced and their open-mindedness seriously lacking, but when we were on duty and in the public eye, they were professionals and did their best to treat people with the decency they deserved.)

God help me, but how I survived

I just lived through my first weekend as a single "parent." Some insidiously annoying animal people would call me a "meowmy" or some other ridiculous moniker, but I will continue to refer to myself in the third person as "mommy."

Not that it makes any difference what I call myself. The end result is still the same: I am pooped. The parenthood thing is a lot more work than just hanging out and being my cool self all the time. Now that Anthony is in Charlotte (for way too long, might I add), I get the full brunt of all the household responsibilities.

Which means that I'm walking the dog at midnight when I get home from hanging out with friends for the first time in what seems like decades on a Saturday night.

It also means that I'm spending afternoons in the park, pretending that I don't have other things to do but unable to resist the "but don't you love me?" look in Grace's beautiful little brown eyes.

I try so hard to fit everything in and be the well-rounded Ryan that you've all come to know and love, but having furry children certainly makes that impossible. It is now official - none of you will ever see me again.

But thanks for the night out, Morgan & John. Thanks for the hike, Jeff & Eric. I will now be returning to hermit-dom.

For the musically inclined

First off: I hate daylight savings time right now. This is what I get for going out late for the first time in decades - exhaustion.

But it was worth it. Last night I went to the DC Arts Center - the smallest venue on the planet (or so it felt) - and saw a pretty amazing local band, The Nethers.

Go to their site, download "O The Deed," and do your part to keep real talent in business: buy the CD. (By the way, the show last night was a lot less acoustic, and a lot more rock - amazing! So, if you ever get the chance to see them live, it is totally worth it.)