On Uruguayan men

Turns out Uruguayan men are just as macho and overly confident as Argentine men.

A few weekends ago, I'm in Montevideo, visiting my friend Kaitlin, and we're standing by the guard shack at the Marine House, waiting for our cab, when...a group of Uruguayans walk past to leave the party.  One of them breaks off from the pack and approaches Kaitlin and I, saying:

"You two are the most beautiful girls here."  (We glance around. There are no other girls in sight.)  "Especially you with glasses."  (Katilin happened to be wearing her reading glasses that night.)  (Meanwhile, all his friends leave the party, totally ditching him as he embarks on the hopeless quest of landing himself a gringa for the night.)

As if it could possibly go any other way, the conversation quickly goes downhill.  Next thing I know, Kaitlin is somehow planting the idea of a threesome in this poor Uruguayan's head, then says something incoherent about how she isn't interested, but maybe she can watch him and I.  Please note: KAITLIN WAS NOT DRUNK.  She just wasn't paying attention to what she was saying.

So Uruguayan man turns to me and says, "What do you like about Latin men?"

I dance around the subject, lacking any sense of commitment: "They're all so different; it's hard to say."

He responds, "What kind of Latin do you like best?"

Again, "They're all so different; it's hard to say."

Kaitlin jumps in with, "I like Brazilian men."  Very confident.  Very much in the vein of "You're wasting my time, Uruguayan man, I prefer Brazilians."

To which our little Uruguayan friend says, in his broken, but easily understood English, "Brazilian men, small penis.  Uruguayan men..." and he holds his hands about ten inches apart from one another "...wide."

And he was so earnest, so hopeful in his less-than-sober appeal for us to take him home that night and rock his world.  It took all my willpower to not laugh my ass off.