Today was a mix of I don’t know what. I assuaged my soul a little today by telling my supervisor what an unprofessional dolt that classmate of mine is (the one I mentioned in my 2/18/03 blog). Thankfully my supervisor took me seriously and I can take further measures at any time I wish. He appeared to be very supportive and that relieves a lot of the tension I felt over this problem. I didn’t want to acquire the wrong kind of reputation around the office because that could damage my career down the line, and I also wasn’t prepared to let this problem individual know who complained because I can’t be sure how he would react. So it is nice to know that I have the opportunity to take action at any time I wish. In the meantime, my supervisor offered to work it out so that this problem classmate and I are never paired together again during the rest of training. So far, so good.

Yet most of my day was wasted for no apparent reason. First we had to sit around from noon til 2PM just to be told that the rental cars we need for our practical examination on Monday through Wednesday are ready, and that we can invite five guests to our graduation. Oh, the government at work!

Then Todd and I were supposed to run some routes this afternoon and do some advance work on a site we’re visiting during the practical exercise. Well, the site is a cemetery. And guess what? You can’t even get in there because of all the snow!!! What a disaster!!! We tromped around in the snow in our suits for about a half hour, trying not to fall on our tushies and still find the gravestones. That didn’t work.

So then we start driving our routes. Whattya know? We get caught in rush hour traffic and somehow get trapped in downtown Washington. By our fifth try, we somehow managed to depart the city. And thus we gave up driving. I came home. And so there I remain.

I should be working on my “homework” right now, but I can’t seem to concentrate on it. It seems that every day after work I am destined to have a bone-crushing headache. Somehow that is not conducive to working on, well, work. Who knew?

At least yesterday I was able to enjoy a nice cold beer before the head rush began. And it was a delicious beer to boot. I was telling my coworkers that I haven’t had a beer that tasted SO good, or was SO needed as the one I drank last night. It wouldn’t have mattered if I was drinking sludge water tinged with vodka, it would have been fabulous! There was something so deep-in-the-bones relaxing about that beer that I think it may go down as one of the best things I’ve ever drunk in my entire life. Now if only they could bottle that feeling up and sell it in the mass market. I’d give up my firstborn, Rumplestilskin.

In other news, Vincent was in New York today. My papisan is now in place and I imagine that it looks quite at home in our empty living room. At least the guest bed is also in place so we don’t actually have to fight over who gets to sleep in the papisan. I think the only person who is frustrated by this new arrangement is our little baby, Daisy (our kitty cat). She thinks that we have gotten rid of her chair – which was the footrest for the papisan. Won’t she be surprised when we box her up and ship her out to New York!?? (Oh yeah, and she’ll also be more than a little pissed off.)

Anywho. I have now misplaced my desire to write any further. Email me if you want to talk – just don’t expect a response. It’s all about monologues, baby, monologues.

Talking to myself,
Ryan

I spent quite some time – all of 3 minutes – debating over whether or not to destroy my blogspot and all that is the web version of me. The reason, you ask? Well, I did somehow obtain some sort of clearance for my current job so I think it best not to display things all over the world wide web. Yet I also realize that I can water the content down a bit – put some ice in my lemonade, so to say. So that is what I have decided to do. And here, my dear cohorts, are the fruits of my endeavors…

First and foremost, everyone should know that I am moving to New York! No, not right this second, but within in the next few months or so. Vince and I already have an apartment, and if you really want to know where I live, check your inbox. If I haven’t sent you an address, you can either beg me for the information, or sulk because I don’t like you enough to give you the key to my personal life.

So, everyone is invited! We have a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom castle in Manhattan – and there’s even a room designated for guests! Yes, you can come to New York and have your own bedroom! Without going to a hotel even! It’s amazing…

And that’s all I have on that. In other news, training is still moving forward. I think I am dealing well with the whole locker room mentality of my training class, but there is one individual I am still hoping will disappear into the great wide unknown. Anyone have any connections with the mafia? Because this guy is a total jerk (language toned down for our young viewers)! He is single-handedly the most chauvinistic person I have ever met, and for no good reason he has it out for me. Most days I am able to just ignore his presence and avoid any sort of conversation, but on those few occasions where it can’t be avoided, I am the recipient of all his small-penis anger and frustration (oops, that just slipped out). His very existence makes me bristle, even as I am as polite and professional as I can be. Ergh.

Sigh. There is nothing better to talk about in the office. I continue to muck on, hoping that the work in my field office will be more satisfying than training, and wishing that all of mankind would just grow up and stop talking about their bodily functions and the women they sleep with behind their partner’s backs.

That is really the large and small of my career.

As for Valentines Day, just recently passed, I spent the actually day of love in training until about 7PM in West Virginia. Then I ate cold cuts with my Vincent and slept through the three-hour car ride back to Philadelphia. We couldn’t eat a fancy dinner because I had an ultrasound appointment the following morning (check-up for my one remaining kidney) and that requires that you not eat for twelve hours prior. The plan was to celebrate Valentines Day on Saturday at the Shore, eating lobster at Robert’s, and relaxing in the whirlpool bathtub. However, that didn’t happen.

I woke early on Saturday morning and checked my pda. Vince and I were scheduled to be at Jane’s at 5PM for Nicole’s engagement party. So there went our idea of lobster. Not that I’m complaining! Jane’s party for Nicole ended up being quite cozy, and the food was delicioius!!!

In any case, this Valentines Day I was the happy recipient of a star. Yes, Vincent bought me a star and named it Pookah-Ryan, after me. So, someday when we humans are out in space, colonizing and visiting like on Star Trek, part of the shuttle navigation will include something to the effect of, “It’s just ten light years past Pookah-Ryan.” Isn’t that exciting?!

Vincent also has a practical side, so I also received a new palm pilot. He decided that my need for color far outweighed anything else. So there you have it: my new Handspring Treo. It’s tiny and efficient – AND colorful!!

So there was that. And then the snow. Vincent pulled a muscle in his bum while shoveling, and I, like the donkey that I am didn’t pack snow boots (for that matter, I don’t even own snow boots!). But that didn’t stop me from shoveling a walkway from the car to the house! Oh, what fun!

And that rounds me out. So I’m off to the fair!

From the desolate confines of West Virginia, here are a few words to light your way by…

Today I have decided to simplify my life. And I know that as my dear Vincent reads this, he is wondering, “How on earth can Ryan simplify her life any more??! She’s already thrown everything of value away…”

Well, my dear, I have taken it upon myself to delete all the excess, trim the fat if you will. I have canceled two credit cards. Yes, I can feel my credit sagging less under the weight of my college loans, and the IRS is breathing a sigh of relief. I am down to three major credit cards: one for work purposes that cannot be destroyed, my American Express (which I believe I will ask to be buried with some day), and another “Oh horse dung! They don’t take American Express” backup. I am breathing large amounts of happiness-inducing oxygen (if you’ve seen Fight Club, then you know why oxygen would make one happy).

For the record, I have used one of my two former credit cards only once, and the other not at all. But it feels like a huge burden has been lifted out of my wallet…

In any case, you’re now probably starting to wonder what I’m doing in West Virginia. I will tell you (however, this message will self-destruct in 30 seconds – gotta love Inspector Gadget!): I am in training. The primary goal of this week is to learn how to drive really fast. It’s amazing, all those times my mom and dad wouldn’t let me drive their cars because they felt my driving was unsafe, and now I am being instructed how to, well, basically, to destroy cars that get in my way. Oh, and I can do that at speeds up to (and over) 100mph. Good times, no?

Of course, the rest of my training class is here with me, enjoying all the splendor that West Virginia has to offer. We are surrounded by only the best: Cracker Barrel, IHOP, Ruby Tuesdays… All the fried food one can handle!

So you see why I am holed up in my room, with a death grip on the remote control and snacking on Fig Newtons. Oh yeah, did I mention that I’m on medication so I can’t even drown my sorrows? NOW I bet you pity me.

The happy news of the week is that Vincent’s birthday is on Saturday. Oh yes, the big 3-4. My baby is getting to be a man! And he’s even planned his very own birthday bash – a select group of his friends will be attending a fabulous dinner at Morimoto, our most favorite-ist sushi restaurant ever! Now if only I could get there from West Virginia in time… (honey, I’m working on it…)

Hmmm.

And that’s all I have to say for the time being. I guess my light is growing dim…

So here I am again, without even being prompted by one of you lovely readers for some proof of my existence! I am getting so good at this (but now that I’ve jinxed it…)

Well, I’m finishing up yet another week in the wonderful world of spies and intrigue. And what did I do this week, you ask? Let me tell you. There is nothing more exciting than standing around in subzero temperatures, on some army base, in the middle of the woods, with no bathroom, while two guys who go hunting all too frequently (one of their license plates reads “WEBDFT”) stand around and drink coffee. Oh yeah, and they occasionally send us into this metal shack, four at a time, to go “clear” it of all those bad, BAD paper targets. Then they stop us and tell us that we are doing everything wrong, we correct it, and, well, that’s wrong too. So really, it’s been a good time.

On the upside, the bodily odors of my male classmates have yet to kill me (even when stuck in a cramped van together), I didn’t get frostbite, and I think everyone passed.

The terrible news is that tomorrow I get to be sprayed with OC Spray. You know, I could think of nothing that I would rather do than stand outside in a blizzard (apparently we are scheduled for quite a snow storm tomorrow – IF the meteorologists are correct) and be hosed down with a substance I know is going to make my eyes burn, and my saliva and nose run. Oh how pretty I will be! Mmmmm…can’t wait.

No matter. Last weekend was a little bit o’ fun for me. Starr and Vincent came down to play with me on Friday after work, and my friend Jeff was in town – so we went to the Lebanese Taverna, which, if you ever get the chance, is a fabulous establishment. We left the cripple, i.e. Vincent and his broken toe, in the caring hands of our hostess (who ended up buying him a glass of wine) and went off in search of something to do for the 40 minute table wait. Somehow Starr disappeared (I’m telling you – we need a helmet and a kiddie leash for her!) and Ben and I ended up in front of the skating rink, watching the Zamboni.

Eventually, we all met back up in the Lebanese Taverna. The funniest thing was listening to Starr explain the specifics of freebasing and crack-smoking to our dear friend, Jeff - neither of whom have ever actually tried either of these drugs (thankfully). It was practically a meeting of the minds…

Last Saturday, Vince and I took my little sister, Preyasha, to the movies. I want you all to know that I was allowed to drive, and I did a fabulous job of NOT stalling!!! I love being one of those “cool chicks” that drive stick…

Anywho, Preyasha had the choice between a bunch of hobbits and Leonardo DiCaprio, so we obviously ended up watching “Catch Me If You Can.” I was impressed by the movie, although there is one small aspect of it that drove me crazy (if you’ve seen it, it was the constant “How did you do it? How did you pass the Louisianna bar?” I found the answer to be obvious, and thought Tom Hanks’ character overly pushed the point). However, you will find two wonderful performances by both Hanks and DiCaprio. (For those of you who saw it, “Knock, knock…” is now my favorite joke!)

Sunday was pretty quiet until Vincent and Starr left. Then I met up with Ben, Eric and Estee (who was also in town for a short while) so we could go bowling at the most expensive bowling alley I’ve ever seen. Even the Corona’s cost five bucks! Geez!

However, I did learn how to bowl using the holes in the bowling ball. Thank you Eric! Thank you Benny! And then I only sucked half of the time.

So that’s been my past week or so. I bet you’re really glad you tuned in…

You can thank my mother for these next “few” words! She reminded me that, once again, I have somehow managed to fall off the face of the planet for a whole month at a time. What’s funny is that she began to worry that she hadn’t seen anything new on my Blogspot for so long. When was it that my primary mode of communication with loved ones became my Blog???

Well enough. I suppose that you are all wondering what my schedule is, and better yet, where I am. So here you are: anything you want can still reach me at the old Philadelphia address as Vince has not yet moved, and I am visiting him every other week at least. Otherwise, you can email me for my Arlington address, or call me on the cell phone number that you already have. I will contact you in the future when both Vincent and I move.

In the meantime, I have completed more training to turn me into the super agent woman of whom I know you all dream (in varying states of dress ). Thus far it has been firearms, computer skills, presentation skills (i.e. writing and giving speeches), and now defensive tactics (which can basically be summed up as Ryan’s “kicking ass” class). Most of it leaves me drained at the end of the day, but not half as drained as the holidays this year.

I spent Christmas with Vincent’s family in the Philadelphia area, and then New Year’s with a bunch of friends in Margate, NJ. It was a wonderful time, all of it, but also very hectic at best. Let’s just say that I completely earned the three bottles of champagne I drank to ring in the new year!

Since I am not much in the mood for verbosity (oooh, big words!), I will just narrow down my field of conversation to the past week or so.

Starting with…this past weekend! I got to ride in full luxury on the Acela train from DC to Philadelphia, all in the name of my good friend David Stango (www.davidstango.com). Last October, he and our friend Jess got married, and I missed the wedding so I could spend a “lovely” (said with all due sarcasm) time in Brunswick Georgia. Since I missed the wedding, Vince and I invited ourselves over for dinner at their new house, which I had never seen, so I could go over their wedding photos.

As you would imagine, their house is beautiful. David and Jess have put a lot of time and effort into their new home and it shows. Of course, Vince and I continue to joke about all the things they’ve gotten for free. “There’s just something about David that makes you want to give him free stuff,” we say. And so we gave him my desktop computer as a small gift for their new house (to compliment the handmade wooden cabinets a friend made them for the kitchen, the electrical wiring done by family and friends, the plumbing done by family, etc., etc.).

Moving right along…the Christmas decorations came down on Saturday, and Ryan was sad to see the holidays leave her Philly home, but happy to throw away yet more stuff. Someday I will get Vincent’s stuff down to ONE medium-sized room – only the most important stuff will remain. In the meantime, I just whittle away, piece by piece…

That night we went to the Tin Angel to see David Stango play. He was the opener for the opener for THE MAN. Yet somehow I think he managed to have a louder following than any of the following acts. I think it’s because I had a few drinks and screamed about my undying passionate love for him quite a bit, but it could also be because he never travels with a throng of groupies (a.k.a. friends and family) smaller in number than 25 .

During the next set, by a beautiful woman named Julia Othmer (www.juliaothmer.com), I nearly got into a bar fight with one of her friends (I think). This girl was standing in the bar next to us and told us to shut up. It was rude, and we were in the BAR for chrissakes! So I continued to talk with my friends whenever the mood hit.

Well, at the end of Julia’s set, I went to the bathroom and this girl walks over to our table and screams at my friend, Shivani! Can you believe the nerve?!! So I find out and begin to walk back to the table to give her a verbal smack across the face, and the girl takes off and leaves. Boy was I irate!!! I was so pumped up to give a well-deserved tongue-lashing (and to utilize my “ass kicking” skills if necessary).

Lucky for me, I ended up talking to the beautiful and talented Julia Othmer immediately afterward and forgot all my cares and worries – I think it may have been the champagne. Vince and I met a few musicians, prominent amongst them a jack-of-all-trades named Hoagy, an off-the-wall character named Ian, and a fine gentleman named Fred, who was kind enough to give me the names of a few good places to go for music in the DC area. So when you all come out to visit, I will take you out for a drink and a good night’s entertainment (no Andrew, NOT that kind. Put your one-dollar bills away…).

Sunday was a bit more relaxing, with movie-watching and me going through the boxes I transplanted to Vince’s house right after college. So many things to throw away – but I did find my three-foot Garfield that’s been stuck in my old microwave for two years!

And now it’s back to the grind. I have been summarily having my tush kicked all over the dojo since we returned to another round of training. Thankfully, it isn’t all about receiving around here, and I’ve been doling out the pain too. However, my supply of FLETC-strength (i.e. 600mg) Motrin is running low and I still have a journey to go.

But that’s where my story ends, at the precipice of a new beginning, with a touch of hope in my heart, a Motrin in one hand, and a wine glass full of Martinelli’s sparkling cider in the other…

May your day be just as full,
Ryan

Okay, so I still haven’t caught on to this whole continuous communication idea. I was supposed to write to you while I was in Georgia, and here I am in Washington D.C. So as you can guess, I am now a proud FLETC graduate. What excitement! What thrilling news! Whatever.

The worst thing about graduating from FLETC is leaving behind all these new friends I made. A little more than half our class came from different agencies, so the likelihood of seeing any of them is much more slight than seeing my Diplomatic Security class. Especially since they have to train with me in the DC area for the next four months or so. Furthermore, they all have to return to New York City in November for the U.N. General Assembly. Good times had by all, I swear.

In any case, my Papa Smurf left me on 7 December – Papa Smurf being Dennis, our class president, elder and mentor. That was the saddest thing for me for one reason or another. I really enjoyed getting to know him and I am sorry to have let him leave. He sped out of the FLETC gates no more than ten minutes after graduation….

Well, there’s no use crying about it now (although there wasn’t a dry eye in the house last Saturday for graduation). I am in Washington D.C. – actually, Arlington – and loving it! In fact, I live in a mall. How cool is that??

Technically, I don’t live IN the mall, but I do live in Pentagon Row, which is right next to the Pentagon City Mall. The apartment is quite nice, and if you’re really pleasant to me when you ask, I may even give you my address. So beg, dammit!

Well, whatever. I just finished arranging my apartment just so (I moved in yesterday), and now I have to get to sleep as I will be up again sometime around 4:45AM. Just so I can go play with firearms…yay.

I hope that makes you all dream those happy little dreams of safe, safe, SAFE boys and girls…

Good night, my darlings,
Ryan

P.S. The holidays are here! I finished my Christmas shopping and now have a mound of presents to wrap! What fun….oh, and if you have the time, go by our house in Philly and check out our decorations…

I know I’ve neglected you and I’m sorry. I have been trying to forget that I am here, at FLETC, still. Of course, I did get to break away this past weekend for some down-home lovin’ and some gobble-gobble, as my friend Jeff would say!

To say the least, it has been a trying time here in Glynco. Last week my body decided to call it quits and I got some nasty version of the flu, just in time for Thanksgiving. Thankfully, my fever broke the day before flying out to Massachusetts to spend the holiday with my family and my Vincent. However, I was still plagued with minor body aches, overall exhaustion, and, most notably for an eating holiday, a sore throat. It was a very unhappy Ryan that greeted all her family, and watched as they thoroughly enjoyed their turkey dinners, swallowing without care and with great ease. Ryan was a very sullen girl by the end of the evening.

Yet it was nice to see everyone. We decided that Vincent is really a closet gay since he got along so well with my Auntie Thomas, and my Auntie Thomas decided that I am Jinx, the Halle Berry character in that new James Bond movie, Die Another Day. Which ended up being rather amusing when you consider the fact that I spent the holiday weekend watching the Bond-a-thon on TNN. I even had some time left over for the last half of Erin Brokovitch, and a wonderful run of Pretty Woman. Yay for Sean Connery and Julia Roberts!

I also got to see my Christy, and her little Sarol. Sarol is getting huge now – speaking and walking even! Last time I saw Sarol, she was a wee babe screaming in my arms (as all small children seem to want to do whenever I am near). Now she is coming on two years of age and is getting to be quite the little Parker child! Of course, she still looks like Matt…

So Vincent took Christy and I out to see Solaris, that new George Clooney movie. Apparently the big draw for the flick is that you get to see Clooney’s tush. I must say that the movie is worth going to see for more than just a full moon. Soderburgh’s movies are always beautifully shot and composed. I had a little bit of trouble with the ending, but I don’t feel that my time was wasted in the theatre. You would have to see it to really understand what I am trying to say. I guess today is not my day for explaining this. Maybe I will try again tomorrow. (But, looking at my track record for writing, the odds are against this.)

And that was my Thanksgiving really. I spent all of Sunday in various airports, just trying to get back to FLETC. The one big bonus is that base is more of a non-smoking environment. As much as I love my mom, I also love to breathe easier knowing that nicotine is not coating my esophagus and lungs at the moment. MMmmmmm…breathing.

Anywho. Today was our first day back and I find that people are still as bitter as they were before we left in regards to actually being at FLETC. I would have thought that four days away would have cured some of those ills, but apparently only a permanent vacation could do anything of the sort. However, everyone must buckle down now no matter what. Most of our practical exams, written tests, and so forth are in the next few days. It’s a really top-heavy week for us. Today was our search warrant P.E. and that about rounds out the P.E.s that we have to write up in our case file. So our case file is due in a day or two. That means lots of fun with paperwork.

In the next few days we have our Legal III exam, our physical exam, our Suppression and Grand Jury Hearings…and so forth and so on. I don’t really remember anymore. All I know is that we need to pass and get on with our lives. This place sucks the life right out of you…

Well, it is high time for me to go to bed. I don’t have much to say today mostly because of the exhaustion that sets in after one day of waking up at 5AM…I will try to be more verbose tomorrow.

4.5 days and counting….