[06/01/03 4:08:00 AM (local time) | Ryan Janda]
I am writing from Egypt and thought I’d start off the month with all of my friends and family, even if I won’t have a chance to post until I return to the states. Again, or for the very first time, I am writing from Sharm El Sheikh in Egypt, which is a little old resort town on the Red Sea, and I am terribly homesick.

The place is, of course, beautiful. We are staying at the Hyatt and you can view pictures and the like on the internet at www.sharm.hyatt.com. Then you will know the kind of “hell” in which I am trapped.

But for those of you who are not willing to explore the place on your own, I will describe it for you. Imagine the desert. Stretches of sand for as far as the eye can see. In the distance are red mountains. There is only one road that runs through the entire city. And it isn’t until you step inside the lobby of the Hyatt that you can even see water. And there it lays, at the bottom of a perfectly manicured hill with several layers of pools and a waterslide – a field of blue that stretches out to the horizon: the Red Sea.

Apparently this place is really popular with divers and snorklers. We are right on a reef – which has already managed to cut up the bottom of my feet when we were swimming in the Red Sea (like high schoolers playing hookey) during the wee hours of Saturday morn.

Other than the water though, this place isn’t really on my list of things to do. There is no indigenous population of Sharm, everyone working here having been trucked in from outlaying villages and the like every morning. The whole city was built to cater to Western, particularly European, sensibilities and there isn’t much to do beyond visiting the local Hard Rock Café – which inexplicably becomes a night club late at night – and a few casinos and bars.

I have been amusing myself by learning a few words in Arabic and wandering around the resort. But that is honestly where the fun ends for me. I am still at work, and I still work with some of the most unenlightened men on the face of the planet. It’s not really because they’re terrible people, but they sure do know how to make a girl feel incredibly left out of the party. I am feeling a bit dissociated and all I want is my Vincent!

Maybe by the time I leave I will have sampled the fun of the on-site spa and health club, and perhaps snorkled, so then I will have more to speak at long length about. But, as it is, I am working midnight shifts, which are just as exciting as they sound, and I am still suffering from the two days of flying that it took to get here (yes, I left on Thursday and arrived on Saturday). I will have to get back to you on the excitement and enthusiasm.

So, without further ado, I take my leave. I curtsey, I blow kisses, and I pirouette off stage left…

My apartment is beginning to look more lived in than a homeless person’s cardboard box. And that’s the good news.

Right now I am sitting at the largest desk I have ever owned, ruminating on what to say to all of you. I have let yet another month pass me by without writing anything on my blog. I am sure you all missed me immensely (and if you didn’t, don’t feel like you need to inform me – okay, Nishchay? Oh wait, Nishchay never reads anything over three lines…)

So I’ve started my career as a Special Agent. It has taken me all over the Bronx, Brooklyn and Queens – even downtown Manhattan – but I couldn’t for the life of me tell you where I’ve been. This city is monstrously huge. Suffice to say that I’ve been to neighborhoods where English isn’t spoken, and already fingerprinted several lawbreakers. I even attempted to speak Spanish, which I am convinced isn’t as bad as I thought once. Of course, none of this has worked for any of my cases, which are going to take more work to close than it takes to bring my cats to the vet.

The good news is that I get to start next week by completely abandoning my casework. I am going on my first protection detail, just in time for Michelle’s visit to the Big Apple. My timing is amazing!

I must admit that I am more than a little nervous to head out and do protection. The butterflies in my stomach all but kept me awake last night. Despite the fact that I do not know how long I will last in this job, I don’t want to screw up. I am sure things will turn out to be easier than I currently think, but it is the waiting and anticipation that always screws with your mind, isn’t it?

Oh, before I forget, here’s a great website for all of you who don’t really understand what I do for a living: http://ds.state.gov/faq/#q1

In other news, Vincent has kidney stones. Yup, and you thought I was the only one! We’ve been living through every last kidney cramp for the past week now and I sincerely hope we are through. I don’t know if I can handle a sick Vincent for very much longer. However, sick as he may be, we are driving out to Philadelphia today so we can attend his father’s Harry S. Truman Ball, a big fundraising event for Vince Sr.’s campaign. We were supposed to leave yesterday, but Vincent decided to completely pass the stone last night and we thought it best to stay put. Oh the things you didn’t want to know! (But how I delight in telling you…)

And that’s the long and short of that. Most of you missed my graduation ceremony, but da’ momma, Dan, Vince, and San did not. They were regaled with such uplifting commentary as, “Thanks for your patience while your loved ones were in training. Now we can send them to Syria and Iraq, and you will never see them again. Let me thank you in advance for your sacrifices.” It was truly motivational.

But then it was over. The whole ceremony was anti-climactic. I am always looking for more fulfillment, something more final that doesn’t sit in my stomach like a brick. That graduation certainly wasn’t it. My class didn’t even have one final soirée to kick off our new careers together. No matter what I’ve said about them before, I will miss them all (especially now that Herald is no longer a member of BSAC 72). They are the only people who will always know what I’m talking about when I mention those seven months of my life.

I spent the rest of graduation weekend with the movers and my mom. How soon my first on-my-own apartment was reduced to a place I can’t even recognize as mine. There were so many good things about living by myself that it was hard to witness. I almost didn’t believe that I was actually moving to New York. I know it is crazy to say this about an inanimate object, but I loved my apartment. I miss my apartment.

So I took my mom to the zoo. Armed with my Zen tea from the Starbucks across the street, I gallivanted, I named all the birds in the bird house, and I oohed and aaahed over everything. I love going to the zoo! Even if it did start raining. Of course, the rain began as soon as we were at the absolute furthest point from the entrance and, more importantly, our car. Not that it mattered. Vincent bought me an ice cream Snickers bar and we began the long, slow trek back in the rain. There is nothing like spending time in the rain with the ones you love. I even got another Zen tea as a treat for making it to the other side.

Then there was New York. Boxes everywhere, and I had to start work. You all know what transpired after that. I wrote it at the beginning of the email, just to ruin the chronology you all have come to cherish within my blogs.

And that’s that. I must now go shower, now that the Super has fixed the water heater and I can be clean again! Then it’s off to Philadelphia for Mommy’s Day weekend – remember to call your mommies!!!

Bet you’re beginning to wonder what I’ve been up to in the past, oh, I don’t know, two months! You see, it’s been nothing but excitement really. I won’t bore you too much with the details, but suffice to know that I am still in training, and will soon be done. Somehow the last six months seem to be more like six years, in regards to the amount of things we’ve incorporated into it and the amount of people who have been in and out of my life. Vince finished his graduate degree in software engineering and we are now in the process of unpacking our new home in New York. We attended Vince’s sister’s wedding in March and also his dad’s 60th birthday bash – all in the same weekend! And now I am in DC jumping through the last of the hoops required to get my badge and my gun. What a strange feeling….

Most of you will understand what I’m talking about when you remember our college days, and how after each year at school you felt like you lived through a decade. All those stories, all those experiences, and only a small set of people really understood what you were talking about half of the time. Then came graduation, and it didn’t seem real that we were all going our separate ways.

Well, I’m there again. All those months behind me, many more to come, but in three weeks I graduate. I don’t know what to say. I never thought I would come to appreciate these 21 people as much as I do at this point. We never would have met on the street, or in a bar, or anywhere else (I guess that has as much to do with location as anything else – the people in my class come from as far as California and the Phillipines) – but we all came together at the same point in our lives to take part in the whole wide wonderful world of Diplomatic Security training.

I must say that it has been more frustration than anything else, working for the government. Most days we feel like we’re working against the government, and that the government pushes back just as hard against us – however, we’ve made it this far and it is such an accomplishment. I still don’t know what I was thinking to sign up for this long strange trip (and I am sure Vince is still hoping I’ll change my mind), but I do know that I’m willing to wait it out and see.

Even now it sounds exciting to know that I have the potential to be sent overseas to be in charge of an embassy; to experience new cultures and meet new people; maybe even get in some language training along the way… These are the main reasons why I initially applied to this job, and the gun was just another added bonus to make me look cool while traveling.

It has just been so hard to do this without Vincent, and without my usual network of support. All my closest friends are always too far away to be around for those midnight drinking sessions, and Vince is stuck in New York starting a new job and settling in to a new place. The crowd of men with whom I work are just as likely to get me in trouble as not, and if I decide to make a career out of this I am going to have to watch what I do around them. After all, many of them are former military, uptight Republican types who all seem to condemn any kind of behavior I have and will dive into. So I am more of an oddity than anything else – not that my old comrades don’t find me odd, but at least they acknowledge their oddness too. Well, whatever. I don’t mean to discredit their character or complain about the people with whom I work. They really are a good bunch of guys, but a few sour grapes can ruin the whole bunch, and we cannot yet tell who are the friendlies and who is running to tell on us at every moment. Which wouldn’t normally matter, except that every little thing that goes onto your record ruins your chances of promotion…

Anyway, what am I babbling about??? I wanted to get a little somethin’-somethin’ out there for you guys to remind you that I am still alive and breathing. So yes, I am. Doing both.

Important dates for you guys: 11 April 2003, Ryan’s official swearing-in ceremony (to the foreign service); 24 April 2003, Ryan’s graduation from Basic Special Agent Training Class 72; 26 April 2003, Ryan officially moves to New York!!! And 28 April 2003, Ryan’s first day as a Special Agent… yay…!

Well, that’s all, folks! Gotta love me…

Today was a mix of I don’t know what. I assuaged my soul a little today by telling my supervisor what an unprofessional dolt that classmate of mine is (the one I mentioned in my 2/18/03 blog). Thankfully my supervisor took me seriously and I can take further measures at any time I wish. He appeared to be very supportive and that relieves a lot of the tension I felt over this problem. I didn’t want to acquire the wrong kind of reputation around the office because that could damage my career down the line, and I also wasn’t prepared to let this problem individual know who complained because I can’t be sure how he would react. So it is nice to know that I have the opportunity to take action at any time I wish. In the meantime, my supervisor offered to work it out so that this problem classmate and I are never paired together again during the rest of training. So far, so good.

Yet most of my day was wasted for no apparent reason. First we had to sit around from noon til 2PM just to be told that the rental cars we need for our practical examination on Monday through Wednesday are ready, and that we can invite five guests to our graduation. Oh, the government at work!

Then Todd and I were supposed to run some routes this afternoon and do some advance work on a site we’re visiting during the practical exercise. Well, the site is a cemetery. And guess what? You can’t even get in there because of all the snow!!! What a disaster!!! We tromped around in the snow in our suits for about a half hour, trying not to fall on our tushies and still find the gravestones. That didn’t work.

So then we start driving our routes. Whattya know? We get caught in rush hour traffic and somehow get trapped in downtown Washington. By our fifth try, we somehow managed to depart the city. And thus we gave up driving. I came home. And so there I remain.

I should be working on my “homework” right now, but I can’t seem to concentrate on it. It seems that every day after work I am destined to have a bone-crushing headache. Somehow that is not conducive to working on, well, work. Who knew?

At least yesterday I was able to enjoy a nice cold beer before the head rush began. And it was a delicious beer to boot. I was telling my coworkers that I haven’t had a beer that tasted SO good, or was SO needed as the one I drank last night. It wouldn’t have mattered if I was drinking sludge water tinged with vodka, it would have been fabulous! There was something so deep-in-the-bones relaxing about that beer that I think it may go down as one of the best things I’ve ever drunk in my entire life. Now if only they could bottle that feeling up and sell it in the mass market. I’d give up my firstborn, Rumplestilskin.

In other news, Vincent was in New York today. My papisan is now in place and I imagine that it looks quite at home in our empty living room. At least the guest bed is also in place so we don’t actually have to fight over who gets to sleep in the papisan. I think the only person who is frustrated by this new arrangement is our little baby, Daisy (our kitty cat). She thinks that we have gotten rid of her chair – which was the footrest for the papisan. Won’t she be surprised when we box her up and ship her out to New York!?? (Oh yeah, and she’ll also be more than a little pissed off.)

Anywho. I have now misplaced my desire to write any further. Email me if you want to talk – just don’t expect a response. It’s all about monologues, baby, monologues.

Talking to myself,
Ryan

I spent quite some time – all of 3 minutes – debating over whether or not to destroy my blogspot and all that is the web version of me. The reason, you ask? Well, I did somehow obtain some sort of clearance for my current job so I think it best not to display things all over the world wide web. Yet I also realize that I can water the content down a bit – put some ice in my lemonade, so to say. So that is what I have decided to do. And here, my dear cohorts, are the fruits of my endeavors…

First and foremost, everyone should know that I am moving to New York! No, not right this second, but within in the next few months or so. Vince and I already have an apartment, and if you really want to know where I live, check your inbox. If I haven’t sent you an address, you can either beg me for the information, or sulk because I don’t like you enough to give you the key to my personal life.

So, everyone is invited! We have a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom castle in Manhattan – and there’s even a room designated for guests! Yes, you can come to New York and have your own bedroom! Without going to a hotel even! It’s amazing…

And that’s all I have on that. In other news, training is still moving forward. I think I am dealing well with the whole locker room mentality of my training class, but there is one individual I am still hoping will disappear into the great wide unknown. Anyone have any connections with the mafia? Because this guy is a total jerk (language toned down for our young viewers)! He is single-handedly the most chauvinistic person I have ever met, and for no good reason he has it out for me. Most days I am able to just ignore his presence and avoid any sort of conversation, but on those few occasions where it can’t be avoided, I am the recipient of all his small-penis anger and frustration (oops, that just slipped out). His very existence makes me bristle, even as I am as polite and professional as I can be. Ergh.

Sigh. There is nothing better to talk about in the office. I continue to muck on, hoping that the work in my field office will be more satisfying than training, and wishing that all of mankind would just grow up and stop talking about their bodily functions and the women they sleep with behind their partner’s backs.

That is really the large and small of my career.

As for Valentines Day, just recently passed, I spent the actually day of love in training until about 7PM in West Virginia. Then I ate cold cuts with my Vincent and slept through the three-hour car ride back to Philadelphia. We couldn’t eat a fancy dinner because I had an ultrasound appointment the following morning (check-up for my one remaining kidney) and that requires that you not eat for twelve hours prior. The plan was to celebrate Valentines Day on Saturday at the Shore, eating lobster at Robert’s, and relaxing in the whirlpool bathtub. However, that didn’t happen.

I woke early on Saturday morning and checked my pda. Vince and I were scheduled to be at Jane’s at 5PM for Nicole’s engagement party. So there went our idea of lobster. Not that I’m complaining! Jane’s party for Nicole ended up being quite cozy, and the food was delicioius!!!

In any case, this Valentines Day I was the happy recipient of a star. Yes, Vincent bought me a star and named it Pookah-Ryan, after me. So, someday when we humans are out in space, colonizing and visiting like on Star Trek, part of the shuttle navigation will include something to the effect of, “It’s just ten light years past Pookah-Ryan.” Isn’t that exciting?!

Vincent also has a practical side, so I also received a new palm pilot. He decided that my need for color far outweighed anything else. So there you have it: my new Handspring Treo. It’s tiny and efficient – AND colorful!!

So there was that. And then the snow. Vincent pulled a muscle in his bum while shoveling, and I, like the donkey that I am didn’t pack snow boots (for that matter, I don’t even own snow boots!). But that didn’t stop me from shoveling a walkway from the car to the house! Oh, what fun!

And that rounds me out. So I’m off to the fair!

From the desolate confines of West Virginia, here are a few words to light your way by…

Today I have decided to simplify my life. And I know that as my dear Vincent reads this, he is wondering, “How on earth can Ryan simplify her life any more??! She’s already thrown everything of value away…”

Well, my dear, I have taken it upon myself to delete all the excess, trim the fat if you will. I have canceled two credit cards. Yes, I can feel my credit sagging less under the weight of my college loans, and the IRS is breathing a sigh of relief. I am down to three major credit cards: one for work purposes that cannot be destroyed, my American Express (which I believe I will ask to be buried with some day), and another “Oh horse dung! They don’t take American Express” backup. I am breathing large amounts of happiness-inducing oxygen (if you’ve seen Fight Club, then you know why oxygen would make one happy).

For the record, I have used one of my two former credit cards only once, and the other not at all. But it feels like a huge burden has been lifted out of my wallet…

In any case, you’re now probably starting to wonder what I’m doing in West Virginia. I will tell you (however, this message will self-destruct in 30 seconds – gotta love Inspector Gadget!): I am in training. The primary goal of this week is to learn how to drive really fast. It’s amazing, all those times my mom and dad wouldn’t let me drive their cars because they felt my driving was unsafe, and now I am being instructed how to, well, basically, to destroy cars that get in my way. Oh, and I can do that at speeds up to (and over) 100mph. Good times, no?

Of course, the rest of my training class is here with me, enjoying all the splendor that West Virginia has to offer. We are surrounded by only the best: Cracker Barrel, IHOP, Ruby Tuesdays… All the fried food one can handle!

So you see why I am holed up in my room, with a death grip on the remote control and snacking on Fig Newtons. Oh yeah, did I mention that I’m on medication so I can’t even drown my sorrows? NOW I bet you pity me.

The happy news of the week is that Vincent’s birthday is on Saturday. Oh yes, the big 3-4. My baby is getting to be a man! And he’s even planned his very own birthday bash – a select group of his friends will be attending a fabulous dinner at Morimoto, our most favorite-ist sushi restaurant ever! Now if only I could get there from West Virginia in time… (honey, I’m working on it…)

Hmmm.

And that’s all I have to say for the time being. I guess my light is growing dim…

So here I am again, without even being prompted by one of you lovely readers for some proof of my existence! I am getting so good at this (but now that I’ve jinxed it…)

Well, I’m finishing up yet another week in the wonderful world of spies and intrigue. And what did I do this week, you ask? Let me tell you. There is nothing more exciting than standing around in subzero temperatures, on some army base, in the middle of the woods, with no bathroom, while two guys who go hunting all too frequently (one of their license plates reads “WEBDFT”) stand around and drink coffee. Oh yeah, and they occasionally send us into this metal shack, four at a time, to go “clear” it of all those bad, BAD paper targets. Then they stop us and tell us that we are doing everything wrong, we correct it, and, well, that’s wrong too. So really, it’s been a good time.

On the upside, the bodily odors of my male classmates have yet to kill me (even when stuck in a cramped van together), I didn’t get frostbite, and I think everyone passed.

The terrible news is that tomorrow I get to be sprayed with OC Spray. You know, I could think of nothing that I would rather do than stand outside in a blizzard (apparently we are scheduled for quite a snow storm tomorrow – IF the meteorologists are correct) and be hosed down with a substance I know is going to make my eyes burn, and my saliva and nose run. Oh how pretty I will be! Mmmmm…can’t wait.

No matter. Last weekend was a little bit o’ fun for me. Starr and Vincent came down to play with me on Friday after work, and my friend Jeff was in town – so we went to the Lebanese Taverna, which, if you ever get the chance, is a fabulous establishment. We left the cripple, i.e. Vincent and his broken toe, in the caring hands of our hostess (who ended up buying him a glass of wine) and went off in search of something to do for the 40 minute table wait. Somehow Starr disappeared (I’m telling you – we need a helmet and a kiddie leash for her!) and Ben and I ended up in front of the skating rink, watching the Zamboni.

Eventually, we all met back up in the Lebanese Taverna. The funniest thing was listening to Starr explain the specifics of freebasing and crack-smoking to our dear friend, Jeff - neither of whom have ever actually tried either of these drugs (thankfully). It was practically a meeting of the minds…

Last Saturday, Vince and I took my little sister, Preyasha, to the movies. I want you all to know that I was allowed to drive, and I did a fabulous job of NOT stalling!!! I love being one of those “cool chicks” that drive stick…

Anywho, Preyasha had the choice between a bunch of hobbits and Leonardo DiCaprio, so we obviously ended up watching “Catch Me If You Can.” I was impressed by the movie, although there is one small aspect of it that drove me crazy (if you’ve seen it, it was the constant “How did you do it? How did you pass the Louisianna bar?” I found the answer to be obvious, and thought Tom Hanks’ character overly pushed the point). However, you will find two wonderful performances by both Hanks and DiCaprio. (For those of you who saw it, “Knock, knock…” is now my favorite joke!)

Sunday was pretty quiet until Vincent and Starr left. Then I met up with Ben, Eric and Estee (who was also in town for a short while) so we could go bowling at the most expensive bowling alley I’ve ever seen. Even the Corona’s cost five bucks! Geez!

However, I did learn how to bowl using the holes in the bowling ball. Thank you Eric! Thank you Benny! And then I only sucked half of the time.

So that’s been my past week or so. I bet you’re really glad you tuned in…