Hey everyone! I want you all to know that I am NOT in Egypt anymore. I have been home since last Thursday, after a long, hard week in the Middle East. So yes, Yael, I was only a stone’s throw away from where you now live, but I didn’t have an inch of wiggle room in which to meet up with you in your home town. Sorry, my dear…

As for the rest of my trip in Egypt, I spent two days flying out to Sharm El Sheikh, three days working, and then two days flying back to New York. The first night we arrived, we all met up and went out on the town. That meant that we got ripped off by the taxi driver, who then ripped us off again by sending us to his friend’s/brother’s/cousin’s restaurant. The food was sub-par, but I did learn about 7 words of Arabic from one of the waiters. Of course, we sat outside on the rug-covered chairs, where people were smoking hookahs and the like (I thought I had seen the last of those at my last party at Pi Lamb!). More of our group joined us later and we went drinking until the wee hours of the morn.

That is when the brilliant idea hit a few of us to go swimming in the Red Sea. Many, many gouges later – thanks to the coral – we were kicked out of the water by the local Navy and allowed to spend the rest of our morning in the swimming pools. Which is precisely where we watched the sun rise. Then, before our coworkers could awaken and find us out, we ran back to our rooms!

Somewhere around Tuesday of last week, I went snorkeling for the first time. Yes, I donned a wet suit, goggles and flippers. Stop laughing. No, really. I mean it. Did I mention I have a gun?

In any case, I went snorkeling. At first, my mask didn’t fit me properly and all this water came into my eyes, temporarily blinding me as the copious amounts of salt burned my very corneas. But I got over that when Ari gave me his mask. Then I had to master the whole snorkel concept. Let me tell you how TERRIBLE the Red Sea tastes. Just when I began to be able to open my eyes without pain…

Finally, I got the gear working properly and I started swimming around. And around. And over the coral. I saw one big blue fish, half my size, and Ari made me touch a jellyfish, but other than that, I think I could find better things to do with my time. Under the sea is no place for me! Especially when you have to swim over coral that is only a foot away – after gouging my feet all to heck that first night, I was not looking forward to scraping my underbelly all along the coral! No, Sam I am, I do not like green eggs and ham…

Did I mention how annoying the hotel staff was? I mean, helpful? Since I was working midnight shifts, I slept during the day. Of course, that meant that the housekeeping staff was obliged to call me at least six times to schedule a time when they could come in and clean. You see, they noticed that I had turned on the privacy light…. Hurumph!

But I am not bitter. I think it is because I am the only one who returned from our trip completely hydrated and without a burn. There’s something about men that makes them stupid – they drink, they sit in 100+ degree weather, and they burn to a crisp….all rather humorous really.

And so I am home again. Back to the grindstone, and incidentally, back to a city that hasn’t seen the sun in months. What a change!

Here’s to sunnier times…