I MUST tell you about this really silly conversation I’ve been having lately at work! So to catch you up: yeah, I still work at the animal place; yeah, I am still working on the book tour extraordinaire; yeah, I am still trying to talk NFL players into attending a doggie cocktail party – NOW QUIT LAUGHING!!!

SO. (Buttons.) (a little The Truth About Cats And Dogs humor for ya) I’ve been talking to one player’s agent, and that agent keeps talking about massage. Apparently it’s his passion in life. In my first actual conversation with him, he offers me one of his NY masseuse’s sessions – for free! And every five minutes he keeps saying, “I don’t even normally return my phone calls. I don’t know how you’re keeping me on the phone, but either you’re really a REAL person, or you’re an incredibly good salesperson.” So I told him the truth: I SUCK at sales.

The next day, his INCREDIBLY gay assistant returns one of my calls (I'm talking SO gay that even my baby boyfriend Jimmy looks straight!). Somehow he manages to work several personal questions about my physical appearance into the conversation and I’m beginning to think that he and “Boss,” as he likes to call this agent, are scheming together to hit on me. Then Teri (that’s the assistant) makes me pinky swear not to tell Boss anything we’ve discussed. He also tells me that I must have made a good impression because I am on the 1st must-call list, between Dan Merino and some Congressman. (Don't ask! I have no idea what I did!!!)

So moving onto conversation number two with Boss: he says, “If you and your boys, or your boyfriend, or your husband, or whatever, ever want to get a way for a weekend – there’s a bunch of great spas here in Miami.” Oh yeah, Boss lives half the year in Miami, half in New York. Continuing on… “If you ever want, just give me a call and I’ll send my plane out to get you guys.” So I’m flipping out… it’s the most amusement and fun I’ve had at work since I started!!! You can’t make this stuff up!!!

For instance, Boss picked up Teri on vacation in Arizona several years back (Uh, Boss is straight though). Teri was their (i.e. Boss + one amazingly beautiful girlfriend) cabana boy, and Boss was so impressed that he convinced him to return to NYC and work for him. Now that’s the kind of break in life I’m looking for! Teri travels between NY and Miami helping Boss out, and he occasionally gets to go on vacation with him! Teri brings his boyfriend and they have a wonderful time! It is also my understanding that Teri gets paid quite well for his assistance.

Where do I get myself a Boss-man/woman?!