So I just got off the phone with my mother and I told her I was going to post her job suggestions on the world wide web for all the world to see. Seeing as I am still unemployed, my dearest, darling mother thinks I should be one of the following: a bartender with a back room dedicated to waxing the chests and backs of gay men, a stripper – but then she had second thoughts and said I would need “major surgery” for that (thanks mom, I’m feeling the love), a surrogate mother, and, my favorite, a madam (move over, Heidi Fleiss!).

Anyone else have any suggestions?