On Argentine Men: One wink too many

As part of Steve's Hannukah gift extravaganza for his wife, Katie, Petra and I volunteered to babysit FROGMAN! one night so they could go out for a date.  Steve cashed in on our offer a few Saturdays ago and Petra and I had a fantastic time, ordering out pizza, Chinese food, and ice cream.  What?!!!  A girl's gotta eat.

So we're sitting there, with our computers, surrounded by this feast, and FROGMAN! is out cold in his room.  Even George and Gracie (the dogs) are stretched out on the floor somewhere, leaving us to our dinner and chatting.

Of course, at one point the conversation turns to men.  Since Petra is leaving for Norfolk, VA, in June, she decided to post a profile on Match.com in the U.S. to see if there was anyone in the Norfolk area who might be willing to be her tour guide when she arrives.  We think it might be interesting to peruse Match.com's catalogue of men here in Buenos Aires, while we have the site up. 

Turns out that there is a completely separate Match.com for Argentina and the only way to browse the participants is to open a profile.  Since Petra has the U.S. profile, we sign me up for the Argentina profile.  Being the survey-loving fool that I am, I actually fill out some profile items, like my height, eye color, amount of physical fitness activity, my dislike of smokers, and the fact that the one thing I can't live without is oxygen.  Yes, yes, most people answered the question of what they couldn't live without a little less realistically and entered things like their i-Pad, coffee, and their dog, but I thought they were wrong.  It really is amazing how many things we can live without, but oxygen?  There's just no getting around that pesky gas.

So, needless to say, we start cruising around Match.com Argentina and, in the male looking for female category, aged 31 to 42, we compiled the following observations:

• Argentine men are not modest.  About 75% of them have as their main profile picture a shot of them topless.  I decided right there and then that I clearly can't use Match.com Argentina as a dating medium.
• In the 31 to 42 age range, about 75% of Argentine men are divorced with children.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does make me feel like I missed out on the first round of marriage.  (Although secretly I hope that my life only has ONE round of marriage.)  It also reminds me of the high rate of divorce around here.  What is up, Argentina??!
• Argentine men write profile summaries like Hallmark cards.  Very, very sappy.  I hear that Argentine women like this, just as they like their men to text or call them 15 times a day, tell them how wonderful they are every hour on the hour, and just woo them into a willing puddle of romantic goo, but...BUT.  I am my mother's child and I find the overly saccharine language to be a bit overwhelming.  It reeks of a man who is far too dependent and needy...which makes sense since Argentines generally live with their parents until they get married.  Needless to say, not my cup of tea.  (Hey, in theory it sounds great, but in practice, well, I'd be all like, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fantastic, I know.  Now would you please get up off your ass and take the trash out?!!")

So Petra and I laugh and make fun and oogle the better-looking men, and then move on to other topics.  Eventually, Steve and Katie come home, all aglow from their night out on the town without FROGMAN!  So we leave and move on with our lives.

You probably know what's coming next...

I completely forget about signing up, but Match.com Argentina approved my profile and the emails started pouring in.  The first email was from a good-looking thirty-something who writes, "You don't have a picture up, but I really like your height."  And it just started going downhill from there.  Match.com Argentina gives you the ability to "wink" at people, too, which seems to be the internet version of, "Hey, I think you're cute.  Wanna suck face some time?"  In less than a week, I had racked up at least 20-30 emails and a good 50-60 "winks."  Most of the guys just wanted to connect with someone and hoped that they would find romance.  However, I even had some Brazilian write to me, hoping I could help him with his Spanish (oops, forgot to mention on my profile that I am a gringa).  But I finally deleted my profile when a 57-year-old man "winked" at me.  As much fun as the attention of a number of desperate Argentine men can be, I draw the line at men older than my parents.  I just can't do it.

Although, to be fair, I had no intention of dating ANY of the men on Match.com Argentina.  Call me old-fashioned, but I like meeting people the more traditional way: drunk in a bar.

Tee-hee!