I’m moving. Unless something incredibly outrageous occurs – such as Random House hiring me to be its new President and CEO – Vince and I have decided to move ourselves to the beach for the summer. Apparently I am so unhire-able as to be undesirable here in New York City, and I need to try my luck in Jersey. Watch out Donald Trump, I’m coming to a casino near you!

Well, perhaps not a casino, but we’ll see where fun in the sun lands me. Yours truly may just end up being the most tanned and smiling cocktail waitress or ferris wheel operator you’ve ever met south of New York and north of Philly.

Vince and I haven’t figured out all the details yet, but I don’t see any reason why this won’t work out. I’m not entirely devoid of personality or talent yet so I think I can swing something in the service sector, don’t you? (Don’t answer that, Masshole…)

No matter what, this means early morning bike rides by the ocean – some early morning jogs as well – weekends on the beach, lobsters at Robert’s, New England clam chowder at Smith's Dock, mini golf with the old lady who kicks people off the green for loud and obnoxious behavior, shopping (see, that’s where the whole employment thing comes in), dock-side barbeques, boat rides, jet-skiing, and living in a 2-room apartment with Vincent (hey, you can’t have everything…).

For everyone within a two-hour radius, this is good news for you too! When you want to see me, a beach is involved! We’re thinking of leaving the last week of June and returning before our trip to the Grand Canyon in the first week of September (so I’m guessing late August). Of course, Corinne, you have the keys to the castle so you’re in charge of bringing Jimmy, Tom and the rest of the Philly crowd, whereas Estee, Mel, Starr and the New York gang will have to bus it on out! We still have a queen-sized couch-bed so there’s always room for guests…! (And you DC-MA-CA-etc. people are still more than welcome! It’s just more of a transportation issue for you guys to come visit – but if you find yourself in the area…)

So, with the big bang first, I might as well talk about last weekend now to bring you slowly back to normalcy (or as close as you can get, Michelle). Vincent and I spent the past few days in Philadelphia, our home away from home. Saturday night was Senator Fumo’s annual Harry S. Truman Ball,





and we were there to see Bobby Rydell drop to the floor in what we heard was a diabetic seizure in the middle of a number. Don’t worry, Rydell fans, he is fine and he left the party sitting up on a gurney, laughing and waving – but talk about buzzkill. Good thing it was nearly midnight and the ball was winding down (all those carriages turning into pumpkins at the stroke of twelve, you know!).

We also saw a Cher impersonator who was the focus of a lot of discussions. People were wondering if “Cher” was female or akin to the lead of The Crying Game, especially after there were many a photo taken of the Senator with his hand on “her” tattooed bottom. (To alleviate any confusion, I will let you know right away that our lovely impersonator is just a wonderful woman toward whom time has been fairly kind…



Corinne and I also were entertained by some party crashers who walked in from a “Family Board Meeting,” which to the uninformed (like ourselves) means that these crazy southerners were distant relatives of our former President, James Madison, and were in town for a meeting. Think Daughters of the Revolution, with a southern twist of lime and the Midwestern fondness for cousins… Well, the southerners found out I was dating Vince so they invited Corinne out to the bar at Le Bec Fin for drinks. Oddly enough, she declined – the southern gentleman was probably 65 years old!



Later in the evening, Corinne and I also enjoyed the delicacies of the Presidential Suite of the Sheraton Society Hill. Senator Fumo wasn’t staying the night so we gobbled up his Godiva and drank his champagne while we discussed life and politics, and shooed unwelcome drunk boys from our door. All in all, it was an interesting year for the HST.



Thankfully, Vincent and I had those hotel rooms that night because Corinne was dog-sitting all weekend, and although Rufus is absolutely adorable, he just doesn’t know when to shut up. The dog needs Prozac or something…



In any case, those are the tales from Inwood…what’s shakin’ in your neighborhood?

So Yael tells me that I’ve sufficiently freaked people out with this whole “cyst in my wrist” mention in an earlier Blog that I didn’t really explain. See, it’s like this: my wrist hurt for about six months and my general practitioner was beginning to think it wasn’t carpal tunnel so she sent me to a hand specialist. The hand specialist played around with my hand, measured it with some random instruments, and then asked about a bump in my wrist. He figures that at some point last year, I damaged my wrist somehow, tearing a ligament which then didn’t heal properly. So a cyst developed. Pressure on my hand then results in pain in my wrist, i.e. pushups, carrying groceries, resting my head on my left hand… Well, to be sure, I am scheduled for a MRI this Friday, and at some point I will meet up with my new friend, the hand specialist. Then he will tell me all about what’s wrong with me and we’ll go from there. He didn’t appear alarmed about the whole thing, so neither am I. It’s not a life-threatening kind of ailment, just a pain-in-the-ass kind of an ailment.

The point is: don’t worry, okay?

Next topic! Starr took Vincent and I to see Mayor of Sunset Strip last Thursday. It is a documentary about the life of Rodney Bingenheimer, a DJ for the LA-based, alternative rock radio station KROQ. By the time we left the theatre I was thinking, “Who cares?” I spent two hours of my life watching a doe-eyed man who looks like he walks on peg legs stare at the camera and talk about, well, nothing. He looked confused as to why people were filming him in the first place. Other people narrated and he just stared. And then you wonder how he came to be so instrumental in the lives of so many rock stars (he was the first to play such bands as The Doors, The Ramones, David Bowie, etc.) – I mean, he has no identifiable personality. I don’t understand why people are drawn to him. Or this movie for that matter. So don’t see it – it’s trash.

I was also regaled with the Barnum & Bailey Ringling Brother’s Circus last week.



Vincent surprised me with a trip to Madison Square Garden and I thought for a minute we were off to see a hockey game. I haven’t been to the circus since sophomore year of high school when my friends and I thought it would be cool to go because nobody else was doing it. And guess what guys?! I still love it!

This is me, loving it!!!


Every time I go I think about how interesting it could be to grow up in the circus, to experience the trapeze or the tightrope as second nature. Maybe if I remain unemployed too long, I will run away and join a circus school!







Although right now, the circus to join is the Cirque du Soleil. But then I would have to go to school for French as well, since all the members of the group must be fluent in English and French. Well, we’ll see… I am doing nothing rash (yet).

So I just got off the phone with my mother and I told her I was going to post her job suggestions on the world wide web for all the world to see. Seeing as I am still unemployed, my dearest, darling mother thinks I should be one of the following: a bartender with a back room dedicated to waxing the chests and backs of gay men, a stripper – but then she had second thoughts and said I would need “major surgery” for that (thanks mom, I’m feeling the love), a surrogate mother, and, my favorite, a madam (move over, Heidi Fleiss!).

Anyone else have any suggestions?

There goes my New Year’s resolution. That whole keeping you guys updated on my life thing went right out the window these past few weeks… Oh well. C’est la vie.

You’ve only missed a lingerie party, my brother’s birthday, a night of laughs at the Comedy Club, David Mamet’s Spartan, a new haircut replete with overly BLOND highlights, a murder mystery weekend in the heart of the Poconos, installing clips on my bike instead of pedals, Corinne visiting me for a rainy do-nothing day in New York, a doctor’s appointment that informed me of a lovely “cyst” in my left wrist (still awaiting prognosis), and being kidnapped by Erin and Andrew upon their arrival to New York. See? That’s all.

My life has actually taken on an odd new kind of ritualization. Being unemployed has forced me to find new habits and to constantly seek out things to do. The biggest item of continuity on that list is my obsessive gym habit. I found myself a nice trainer named Alex whose sole goal in life is to wipe the smile off my face – it hasn’t worked yet, but he’s certainly made a few of my day-after’s less enjoyable. I am in the gym about 3 days a week now, and on my bike about 3. When the weather is abysmal (like today), I have more gym days. I spend about an hour and a half in the gym each time, and around two to three hours on my bike. It’s a painful process at times, but I hope it makes me suck that much less when it comes to the big 100 miler in June.

I have also taken up cooking quite a bit. Corinne got a taste of my leek soufflé when she was in town last week, but Vince has reaped most of the culinary benefits. The big item on the menu this week is lamb medallions with shallots, tarragon and red wine. (Mom, you’ll be happy to know that I even made your favorite bruschetta this week!) You can tell I’ve been cooking a lot since Vince has developed such a cute little tummy!

Other than that, I’ve continued my job hunt (unsuccessfully), and read a few books (most notably started Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, and read the Audrey Hepburn biography by Barry Paris) – real exciting, huh?

Anyway, I must be off! I am meeting with one of Jeff’s friends who works for Random House…

Interesting things I’ve done this week: felt like a pimp sitting in the back row of an all-male, gay strip club; watched Secret Things (2002, France) with Starr and caught myself laughing out loud at the all but dramatic ending; and still managed to stay unemployed.

Of course, today I am drawing inspiration from my friend Jeff’s resume and plan on working the rest of the evening on re-writing my resume in several different formats. I haven’t yet decided which career path to truly follow so this is a difficult undertaking. In Jeff’s case, he has a very serious angle, focusing on business, engineering, and teaching. His resume is phenomenal and I would hire him right this second if I was CEO of a major company… However, mine still looks pitiful for the careers I have been eyeing. I will just have to try harder. So that’s my assignment tonight.

As for the rest of my life, Vincent is now home with me, having returned back to New York on Friday night for reasons I like to put together under one heading: “Ryan’s happiness.” I am still training to be all I can be for my century biking challenge, having spent the past week getting my tush kicked – KICKED – by my teammates. I don’t think I’ve spent this much time on a bike and running since high school. Perhaps even earlier – my childhood bicycle has been on permanent retirement for about eleven years now…

In any case, all my friends and family have been incredible in helping me out with the fundraising aspect of my athleticism. I honestly never thought I would get so much response, this much support. It’s amazing. If for no other reason, I’m going to have to finish this race for all of you…

So, things to look forward to: Murder Mystery weekend at Brookview Manor next weekend; updating my bicycle to more competitive standards and training (i.e. trying not to fall) on it; and getting a job.

Wish me luck, kiddos…

Have you ever been unemployed for a long period of time? I’m going on three weeks and I don’t think I’ve been this stagnant since…since… well, never. At least when I was seven or eight, I was building folding-chair huts with my neighbor, Matt, so we could make-out in privacy when I had free time. Now I am just laying around on the faux-wood floors, staring at the ceiling, and wishing that SOMEONE wasn’t working and would answer their cell phone!!!

The only thing that I seem to be able to focus on (other than applying for something like 10-20 jobs a day) is my daily workout regimen. Today I went biking for an hour down the West Side Highway. It was cold. I suck at bike riding. And thankfully, I missed the onslaught of rain which has numbed my area of the world for the past few days.

Of course, Vincent is also out of town. Apparently, the good ol’ boys over at ACS need to know what the product they just sold to Washington (state) ACTUALLY does so Vince is down in Lexington giving them a grand tour, PowerPoint style. I am so glad that I am not there – he has something like 87 slides!!!!

In any case, I hadn’t written anything to you guys for a few days so I thought you might miss my “words of wisdom.” I’m afraid I have nothing positive today.

Best of luck with your day.

More fun from the wacky world of my friends:

You're Fahrenheit 451!

by Ray Bradbury

Having wanted to be a firefighter much of your life, you've recently iscovered the job wasn't exactly what you were looking for. While ignorance seems like the result of oppression, it all began with people just wanting to be ignorant. As you realize more about the sordid world around you, you decide to watch less TV and work on your memorization skills. Though your memory will save you in the end, don't forget to practice running from dogs as well.


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