How to Gouge Out One's Eyes without Even Trying
Step 1: Earn ivy league degree
Step 2: Work despicable job for exorbitant salary
Setp 3: Quit aforementioned lucrative job
Step 4: Maintain unemployment for no less than 6 months, harboring a wonderfully deep and profound depression alongside newfound hostility towards boyfriend
Step 5: Break up with boyfriend
Step 6: Flee city - i.e. the site of despicable job and failed relationship - and, having no prospects, take on very low-paying nonprofit job in new city
Step 7: Work 8+ hours a day in front of a computer, eating all meals at desk, in an attempt to straighten out a year's worth of finances that you didn't compile in the first place
Step 8: Never obtain a finance or accounting degree
I have now been doing the accounting for 2004 at work for three weeks, amidst answering the phones, drafting letters, supervising interns, etc. Can I just say how much I would rather be tossed out of a low-flying plane at this point???
Our accounts are in shambles. Nothing makes sense, entries are missing, check copies weren't made, and not once did anyone actually think it would be a good idea to make a detailed accounting of the big centennial celebration we apparently had over the summer! What a mess.
And here I am, left holding the strings...
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Nothing to say, but I'll say it anyway
So, Anthony is getting surgery this week and I'm celebrating by going to Punta Cana on Monday.
Actually, it really wasn't supposed to happen like this. Jimmy and I have been trying to go on vacation since November, but Apple Vacations keeps putting us off - as if a trip won in a radio show contest isn't as valid and unchangeable as a regularly scheduled vacation that you actually pay for! All I know is that we now have flight plans and both Jimmy and I could really use this vacation!!! I am really looking forward to spending some time with him...there's a lot to catch up on.
As for Anthony and the big surgery: when we were in Charlotte over the holidays visiting his family, his mom brought him to a specialist to check on his knee. Apparently an old injury that no one fully investigated has now come back to bite him in the good old tushie. They need to take a final MRI to make sure, but it looks like he has some torn cartilage or something, which if you tweak his knee the right way causes oodles and oodles of fun. The doctor plans on drilling three holes - one for the fiber optics camera so they can see what they're doing, and two more to actually complete the surgery. If I am correct in my assumption (as I had the same type of surgery, sort of), this is what you call a laproscopic surgery. They will scrape down the cartilage in his knee so it's smooth, and then patch him up and send him on his merry way with some painkillers (which, knowing Anthony, he probably won't take). The cartilage will then grow back properly and heal itself.
The surgery should last only a few hours and Anthony goes home at the end of the day. They say that within three weeks he's going to be 100%, which is exactly what they told me when I had my kidney out in 2001. It's amazing that the body can heal itself so quickly, but it's true.
Of course, I think Anthony's being a dumbass by driving himself down to North Carolina, but thus far I haven't been able to make arrangements to fly into Charlotte so that I can drive him back when I get home from the Dominican Republic (it just so happens that he plans to return to NYC the same weekend I return from my trip). So his whole return plan is up in the air, as we don't know how he'll feel within a week of surgery. So, we'll see.
Right now I can't afford a flight into Charlotte so I'm relying on Apple Vacations to make the switch. As it is so close to our date of departure and we already have confirmed flights, I don't know what they can do without charging me my firstborn child or an extraneous limb. Again, we'll see...
So, Anthony is getting surgery this week and I'm celebrating by going to Punta Cana on Monday.
Actually, it really wasn't supposed to happen like this. Jimmy and I have been trying to go on vacation since November, but Apple Vacations keeps putting us off - as if a trip won in a radio show contest isn't as valid and unchangeable as a regularly scheduled vacation that you actually pay for! All I know is that we now have flight plans and both Jimmy and I could really use this vacation!!! I am really looking forward to spending some time with him...there's a lot to catch up on.
As for Anthony and the big surgery: when we were in Charlotte over the holidays visiting his family, his mom brought him to a specialist to check on his knee. Apparently an old injury that no one fully investigated has now come back to bite him in the good old tushie. They need to take a final MRI to make sure, but it looks like he has some torn cartilage or something, which if you tweak his knee the right way causes oodles and oodles of fun. The doctor plans on drilling three holes - one for the fiber optics camera so they can see what they're doing, and two more to actually complete the surgery. If I am correct in my assumption (as I had the same type of surgery, sort of), this is what you call a laproscopic surgery. They will scrape down the cartilage in his knee so it's smooth, and then patch him up and send him on his merry way with some painkillers (which, knowing Anthony, he probably won't take). The cartilage will then grow back properly and heal itself.
The surgery should last only a few hours and Anthony goes home at the end of the day. They say that within three weeks he's going to be 100%, which is exactly what they told me when I had my kidney out in 2001. It's amazing that the body can heal itself so quickly, but it's true.
Of course, I think Anthony's being a dumbass by driving himself down to North Carolina, but thus far I haven't been able to make arrangements to fly into Charlotte so that I can drive him back when I get home from the Dominican Republic (it just so happens that he plans to return to NYC the same weekend I return from my trip). So his whole return plan is up in the air, as we don't know how he'll feel within a week of surgery. So, we'll see.
Right now I can't afford a flight into Charlotte so I'm relying on Apple Vacations to make the switch. As it is so close to our date of departure and we already have confirmed flights, I don't know what they can do without charging me my firstborn child or an extraneous limb. Again, we'll see...
Thursday, January 06, 2005
I stole this from my friend, David...
|
Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence |
 You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator. |
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
It's Raining, It's Pouring...
To misquote my friend David, "Where the hell is the snow???!" Yes, I realize that most of the time (lately) winter doesn't even start in truth until January/February, but this is ridiculous! It's January 5th and it's raining out! It's not even close to snow-like temperatures. We're not even getting sleet...!
Well, whatever, my rant is over. It's five days into 2005, and after nearly 6 days away from my apartment, I am ready to start some of my post-holiday "resolutions." Despite the rain, tonight I am going to the gym and I promised myself I would run at least five miles. Tomorrow I will try again to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn (i.e. 6AM - way before dawn these days!) and hit the gym before work - there's a yoga class I want to take that starts at 6:45AM on Thursdays (and Tuesdays, actually). We'll get to see how flexible I am not and go from there (must I remind you that I believe I am the only female in the history of the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center to actually fail the flexibility test??!!!).
Everything else should come into place once I actually purchase some groceries and have the stuff of life to live on...
Did I mention that I saw Scarface for the first time all over again this past weekend? What that means is that the movie didn't really make an enormous impression on me as I put it on my Netflix list as if I had never really seen it. Out of five stars - five being "I loved it!," four being "I really liked it," three being "I liked it," two being "I didn't like it," and one being "I hated it!" - I give the movie a three. I don't know what all those rap moguls are about, all trying to emulate Al Pacino's character. I really didn't find the movie that compelling.
I also saw one of Pedro Almodovar's classic movies, Atame! (Tie me up! Tie me down!), which stars Antonio Banderas as a mental patient who is finally declared "normal" and leaves the institution only to kidnap a porn star so she can get to know him and decide she wants to marry him. It is one of the few movies that I think Banderas actually shines in - it's probably because it's entirely in Spanish. I've heard before that Banderas is a much better actor when he acts in Spanish... In any case, I won't ruin the ending for you, but I thought it was fairly implausible and I wasn't overly impressed, like I have been with Almodovar's other work. Again, I give this movie 3 stars.
The other movie I managed to see was "The Door in the Floor" with Jeff Bridges and Kim Basinger. If you waited your whole life to see Kim Basinger naked, then this is your movie. My thought on it is that it somehow managed to stay on my movie list after Vincent and I broke up and it was one of his selections, dammit! Any movie with a premise of a husband hiring an assistant who looks exactly like one of their dead sons so his wife can have sex with him is a bit underwhelming, and a lot deviant. I think that if they were going for sick and twisted, they could have pushed the envelope more. Again, not truly compelling. I rated it 3 stars (again).
So that was my movie weekend (other than Monty Python's The Holy Grail, which if you haven't seen it, you don't know what you're missing!). Which is in fact about all I did this weekend: watch movies. I don't think I moved from the couch in Anthony's apartment until Monday night, when I started suffering from cabin fever and needed to get out of the shoebox...I mean, apartment!
So, Christmas with Anthony was quiet (the one we had in New York on Friday morning), New Year's was quiet, even Michael coming over to drink like a fish was quiet... A generally dull, quiet, long weekend...mmmmm....
To misquote my friend David, "Where the hell is the snow???!" Yes, I realize that most of the time (lately) winter doesn't even start in truth until January/February, but this is ridiculous! It's January 5th and it's raining out! It's not even close to snow-like temperatures. We're not even getting sleet...!
Well, whatever, my rant is over. It's five days into 2005, and after nearly 6 days away from my apartment, I am ready to start some of my post-holiday "resolutions." Despite the rain, tonight I am going to the gym and I promised myself I would run at least five miles. Tomorrow I will try again to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn (i.e. 6AM - way before dawn these days!) and hit the gym before work - there's a yoga class I want to take that starts at 6:45AM on Thursdays (and Tuesdays, actually). We'll get to see how flexible I am not and go from there (must I remind you that I believe I am the only female in the history of the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center to actually fail the flexibility test??!!!).
Everything else should come into place once I actually purchase some groceries and have the stuff of life to live on...
Did I mention that I saw Scarface for the first time all over again this past weekend? What that means is that the movie didn't really make an enormous impression on me as I put it on my Netflix list as if I had never really seen it. Out of five stars - five being "I loved it!," four being "I really liked it," three being "I liked it," two being "I didn't like it," and one being "I hated it!" - I give the movie a three. I don't know what all those rap moguls are about, all trying to emulate Al Pacino's character. I really didn't find the movie that compelling.
I also saw one of Pedro Almodovar's classic movies, Atame! (Tie me up! Tie me down!), which stars Antonio Banderas as a mental patient who is finally declared "normal" and leaves the institution only to kidnap a porn star so she can get to know him and decide she wants to marry him. It is one of the few movies that I think Banderas actually shines in - it's probably because it's entirely in Spanish. I've heard before that Banderas is a much better actor when he acts in Spanish... In any case, I won't ruin the ending for you, but I thought it was fairly implausible and I wasn't overly impressed, like I have been with Almodovar's other work. Again, I give this movie 3 stars.
The other movie I managed to see was "The Door in the Floor" with Jeff Bridges and Kim Basinger. If you waited your whole life to see Kim Basinger naked, then this is your movie. My thought on it is that it somehow managed to stay on my movie list after Vincent and I broke up and it was one of his selections, dammit! Any movie with a premise of a husband hiring an assistant who looks exactly like one of their dead sons so his wife can have sex with him
So that was my movie weekend (other than Monty Python's The Holy Grail, which if you haven't seen it, you don't know what you're missing!). Which is in fact about all I did this weekend: watch movies. I don't think I moved from the couch in Anthony's apartment until Monday night, when I started suffering from cabin fever and needed to get out of the shoebox...I mean, apartment!
So, Christmas with Anthony was quiet (the one we had in New York on Friday morning), New Year's was quiet, even Michael coming over to drink like a fish was quiet... A generally dull, quiet, long weekend...mmmmm....
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Happy New Year!
The name says it all, folks. I am on my way out the door at work, having taken off Friday so I could avoid the mad rush of drunken louts on public transportation to New York City on New Year's Eve. So I will not be back online until next Tuesday, at the earliest - and by then it will already be 2005!
So Happy New Years, baby!
The name says it all, folks. I am on my way out the door at work, having taken off Friday so I could avoid the mad rush of drunken louts on public transportation to New York City on New Year's Eve. So I will not be back online until next Tuesday, at the earliest - and by then it will already be 2005!
So Happy New Years, baby!
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
New Year's Resolutions
Every year, you hear countless people making new resolutions for the new year, promising to lose those 20 pounds, quit smoking, go to the gym more...yadda yadda yadda... and I've never been one of those people. I figure that if you're going to make a life change, then you're going to do it. If you're not, you're not. You don't need a special day to motivate you (unless, I've been told, your wedding date is looming near and you simply must fit into your size 6 dress - whatever that obsession is about!).
However, as 2005 quickly approaches, I find myself making more to-do lists than usual. And the odd thing is that some of the things on my list are the prototypical New Year's happy-go-splat resolution-type deals: go to the gym more, no more self-pity, etc. Honestly, Christmas takes so much out of your average adult that you no longer have time to take care of the details during the month of December. So my gym membership fell to the wayside, and my job search all but disappeared, and my social life simply went "kaput!" and a cloud of smoke appeared where my friends used to be.
For me, I realize that 2004 has been a tiresome year. I'm quite happy to see it go, and am looking forward to working towards some loftier goals in 2005. Even something as simple as working out at the gym is getting an overhaul. I've decided to take up some yoga this year; as I've never been the most flexible woman (technically speaking here, I would wager that most men are more flexible than I!), I think it would be nice to get some good stretching time into my day. Especially now as my body is beginning to age, and certain deficiencies are beginning to show: like getting shin splints when I run, and actually being sore for days after a workout (hmmm, methinks me body is telling me to warm up first...). So, there's that. I am going to become an early-AM, power-bar inhaling, water-guzzling, fanatical yoga queen!
My other big "resolution" (if you want to call it that) is to really put some major effort into my job search. My friends Mark and Toni sent me a really wonderful email earlier this month about career hunting and lending me some emotional support, and it's really inspired me to try harder. My several-pronged plan is to make up several resumes and send them out to all book publishing job openings; to make an appointment with the agency downstairs in my building who find people temporary to permanent jobs in a field of their choice; to prepare for and take the U.S. Department of State foreign service exam; and to apply to the Columbia University Publishing Course, which is a six-week program that starts in June 2005.
I think my 2005 is off to a racing start, don't you?
Every year, you hear countless people making new resolutions for the new year, promising to lose those 20 pounds, quit smoking, go to the gym more...yadda yadda yadda... and I've never been one of those people. I figure that if you're going to make a life change, then you're going to do it. If you're not, you're not. You don't need a special day to motivate you (unless, I've been told, your wedding date is looming near and you simply must fit into your size 6 dress - whatever that obsession is about!).
However, as 2005 quickly approaches, I find myself making more to-do lists than usual. And the odd thing is that some of the things on my list are the prototypical New Year's happy-go-splat resolution-type deals: go to the gym more, no more self-pity, etc. Honestly, Christmas takes so much out of your average adult that you no longer have time to take care of the details during the month of December. So my gym membership fell to the wayside, and my job search all but disappeared, and my social life simply went "kaput!" and a cloud of smoke appeared where my friends used to be.
For me, I realize that 2004 has been a tiresome year. I'm quite happy to see it go, and am looking forward to working towards some loftier goals in 2005. Even something as simple as working out at the gym is getting an overhaul. I've decided to take up some yoga this year; as I've never been the most flexible woman (technically speaking here, I would wager that most men are more flexible than I!), I think it would be nice to get some good stretching time into my day. Especially now as my body is beginning to age, and certain deficiencies are beginning to show: like getting shin splints when I run, and actually being sore for days after a workout (hmmm, methinks me body is telling me to warm up first...). So, there's that. I am going to become an early-AM, power-bar inhaling, water-guzzling, fanatical yoga queen!
My other big "resolution" (if you want to call it that) is to really put some major effort into my job search. My friends Mark and Toni sent me a really wonderful email earlier this month about career hunting and lending me some emotional support, and it's really inspired me to try harder. My several-pronged plan is to make up several resumes and send them out to all book publishing job openings; to make an appointment with the agency downstairs in my building who find people temporary to permanent jobs in a field of their choice; to prepare for and take the U.S. Department of State foreign service exam; and to apply to the Columbia University Publishing Course, which is a six-week program that starts in June 2005.
I think my 2005 is off to a racing start, don't you?
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Post Christmas Post
I don't have much time now that the Board has switched over and the final accountings are due for 2004 at work, but I'm taking a quick mid-morning snack break for sanity.
While for most of you the Christmas season is finally over (or Channukah, etc.), mine is ongoing. Anthony and I are celebrating our own Christmas on New Year's Eve. I even sent him home to New York with the fiber optics Christmas tree at 2AM on Monday morning (by the way, it wasn't my idea for him to leave at that time of day - he claimed he couldn't sleep and didn't want his car/baby to be hurt in the millimeter snowfall we had that evening).
However, we did spend our Christmas holiday with his family, down in North Carolina. Unlike most of the schlepps who tried flying USAirways this past week, I and my luggage made it to my scheduled destination, if not on time, at least eventually. My newfound Christmas spirit even let me forgive the child who kicked my seat for the hour on the ground and the hour in the air (although I still agree with my parents concept of not taking your children out of the house to torture other people).
I spent 4 days and 4 nights in Charlotte, gorging myself on Christmas treats. Everyone and their mom came out to give me presents, and there were lots of tears to be had due to the thoughtfulness of my golden boy, Anthony. Overall, it was a wonderful trip...
Okay, I don't really have time for details. I must run, off to do the accounting!
I don't have much time now that the Board has switched over and the final accountings are due for 2004 at work, but I'm taking a quick mid-morning snack break for sanity.
While for most of you the Christmas season is finally over (or Channukah, etc.), mine is ongoing. Anthony and I are celebrating our own Christmas on New Year's Eve. I even sent him home to New York with the fiber optics Christmas tree at 2AM on Monday morning (by the way, it wasn't my idea for him to leave at that time of day - he claimed he couldn't sleep and didn't want his car/baby to be hurt in the millimeter snowfall we had that evening).
However, we did spend our Christmas holiday with his family, down in North Carolina. Unlike most of the schlepps who tried flying USAirways this past week, I and my luggage made it to my scheduled destination, if not on time, at least eventually. My newfound Christmas spirit even let me forgive the child who kicked my seat for the hour on the ground and the hour in the air (although I still agree with my parents concept of not taking your children out of the house to torture other people).
I spent 4 days and 4 nights in Charlotte, gorging myself on Christmas treats. Everyone and their mom came out to give me presents, and there were lots of tears to be had due to the thoughtfulness of my golden boy, Anthony. Overall, it was a wonderful trip...
Okay, I don't really have time for details. I must run, off to do the accounting!
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