Being an Old Fart isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be

Do you ever wake up in the morning with the realization that you are indeed the lamest person you know? Honestly folks. I was in bed at 9PM last night - read it and weep, that is NINE. PM. Practically evening. - with Grace curled into my armpit and snoring louder than Anthony after a drunken binge.

Granted, this is in large part due to the fact that on Tuesday I made the mistake of drinking a cup of French Roast at 2:30PM, thinking it would help me through my night of volunteering with Women for Women International. Instead, I sounded like I was on speed through the first two hours of my volunteering, and I couldn't sleep until about 2AM, even after watching The Terminal, a film that would have been much more delightful if the movie studio had been able to fire Steven Spielberg.

I swear, coffee for me is more potent than a couple hits of ecstasy. All night as I lay in bed willing myself to fall asleep, I was actually paranoid that all the new clothes I wanted from Eddie Bauer would sell out before my first paycheck from General Dynamic could arrive. Seriously folks. I got up at 1AM and went online to check. And then spent an hour rearranging my wish list into outfits. A good ELEVEN HOURS AFTER I DRANK THE COFFEE.

I think you now understand why both my doctor and dentist agree that I should not imbibe caffeinated beverages on a regular basis.

Needless to say, when my alarm went off at 6AM, I was not the happiest puppy. That was Grace, who was doing her cute little "circus dance," you know, that dance she does to show us how pleased as punch she is that we are awake and now able to take her for a walk. Or feed her. Or touch her even. Whatever, so long as we're paying attention to her.

And all that to say that last night I was in bed at 9PM and I'm an old fart.

What is going to make it all worse is that I woke up last night at midnight because Anthony still hadn't returned to occupy his half of the bed, and I started to worry and fret over all the reasons why he might not be home yet. Then I gave him hell when he walked in 5 minutes later, and continued to do so until 1AM. Grace then weaseled her way back onto the bed and into the mattress divet I'd been working on all night, successfully pushing me off the bed and onto the living room couch.

I woke again around 5:30AM to Grace staring at me oh-so-innocently, at which point I returned to bed for some of Anthony's generous BTU's and hit the snooze button until 6:30AM. That is when I discovered that Grace's oh-so-innocent look meant that she had left a huge pile of steaming poo on the ONE carpet in the house and I had just stepped in it. Mommy Ryan was not all that happy.

Yeah. So really, I feel like an old woman. For fun, we take the dog out for a walk and laugh when she nearly strangles herself over the sight of another dog. Then I come home and work on my scrapbooking or watch another movie from my Netflix queue.

To paint an even more flattering picture of our lives together, this weekend we have big plans. The temperature is supposed to top out around 70 degrees, and Anthony has planned for us to do a full cleaning of the house. Apparently, with two of us it should only take a few hours. Yes, yes, the fun never ends.

A Few Things Have Happened

1. I was only right about 60% of the time on my Oscar picks. It hurts me that Crash won, because I sincerely felt there were 3 films much better suited for the Best Picture award. But at the end of the day, the good news is that Spielberg's straddling-the-fence crapfest, Munich, didn't win.

2. I recently accepted a position as a Process Analyst for General Dynamic (yes, Yael - who knew we would end up in related fields?), thereby solving all my health insurance woes. I am in no way qualified for this position, but hey, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh-darn-it, people like me. Anyway, the real test is going to come when I start attending graduate school full-time.

3. Also in the past two weeks, we adopted a kitten. Anthony wants to name him Damian because we are convinced he spawned from hellfire, but I'm sticking with Pookie. It has a nice, sweet ring to it to mask his real intentions. (Which is to destroy every plant in sight and make Grace's head explode from jealousy.)

4. There is still no update on my graduate school applications. Sigh.

And the Oscar Goes to...

Like my girl, one Ms. Murphy, I have been to a few movies this past year and am ready to make my predictions for the Oscars known. I have also dragged many of my friends to see several of these films, but I haven't managed to hit them all. So I'm going on my best knee-jerk reaction here, and you'll just have to like it or lump it. Either way, here are my from-the-gut choices:

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
My Choice: Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain. Sure, I missed out on seeing three out of the five actors in their Oscar-nominated roles, but from previews, friends' commentary, and previous experience watching these actors perform, I'm willing to say that Heath Ledger surprised me very much with his ability to act at all and take this role to the level it was at. Sure, I've seen 10 Things I Hate About You, but all the great actors have started out in some really terrible movies. And I don't see any of the other actors nominated stretching themselves so far for a role - into someone who is so alien from themselves that the actor is completely unidentifiable.
Who Will Win: Joaquin Pheonix, Walk the Line. Personally, I thought the movie and his acting were only ok, but the powers-that-be seem to have a hard-on for this movie this year, especially the two leads. Probably from all the uber-hype, I often found myself pulled out of the story to watch how Pheonix TRIED to be Cash. Hard as acting may be for me, how hard is it for a half-decent actor to emulate somone famous who has clearly established tics and characteristics?

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:
My Choice: Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain. After Donnie Darko, who can not love him? (By the way, Erin, I think he got nominated for "supporting" because he dies in the end, thus not being a lead ALL the way through the movie.) And again, when you're a young straight man in your prime in Hollywood, it must be incredibly difficult to reach inside of yourself and become a gay cowboy in front of millions of people. He and Ledger are incredibly brave for taking this potentially career-damaging movie and jumping into their roles with gusto.
Who Will Win: Matt Dillon, Crash. Don't get me wrong, I loved this movie, but it makes me suspicious when a movie that was released so far away from the end-of-year sweeps is still making such a ruckus in Hollywood. Yeah, it's great they made an ensemble movie that dealt with issues still prevalent in our society today, but I'm tired of the hype and the self-congratulation.

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE:
My Choice: I don't care what all the critics say, Felicity Huffman has my vote, 100%, for Transamerica. She is AMAZING.
Who Will Win: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line. Why? Because everyone loves a cute southern belle who can imitate a well-known cute southern belle.

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:
My Choice: Really, I haven't seen enough of these movies to make an accurate prediction, but I'll just throw Frances McDormand out there because I'm always rooting for her. She is just an amazing actress.
Who Will Win: Rachel Weisz, Constant Gardener. And I don't know why - maybe it's because she flashes her T&A all over that movie. Which, by the way, I didn't think deserved the hype either. Important story, terrible cinematography, awful sound-editing, banal direction, and dialogue that could have been better.

ANIMATED FEATURE:
My Choice: Wallace and Grommit.
Who Will Win: Wallace and Grommit.

DIRECTING:
My Choice: Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain. Because he rocks.
Who Will Win: George Clooney, Syriana. By the way, this movie and Munich totally sucked.

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE:
My Choice: Murderball - all the way. I usually hate documentaries, but this one is absolutely amazing. And that wasn't just the vodka talking.
Who Will Win: March of the Penguins, the surprise documentary hit of the year. I thought it was amazing myself, but do you know the original was in French and gave the penguins voices? French audiences basically laughed it out of the theatre. But you add Morgan Freeman and voila! it's a masterpiece. Now, if you nominated Freeman for the "supporting" Oscar, I might reconsider...

BEST PICTURE:
My Choice: Brokeback Mountain, because it's a strong movie that came out at a time when it wasn't a guaranteed hit. It made me uncomfortable and admit to my own prejudices (I didn't think I had any). Basically, it made me think - which is something that rarely happens with a Hollywood movie these days.
Who Will Win: Crash, because it makes Hollywood cream its pants at the thought. Oooh! Ensemble cast!

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY):
My Choice: Brokeback Mountain, no question about it.
Who Will Win: Brokeback Mountain - this will probably be the only category the Academy sees fit to offer this outstanding movie.

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY):
My Choice: The Squid and the Whale, which is probably the most underrated movie on the Academy's list of nominees.
Who Will Win: Why is Crash getting all this buzz? I don't know, but I think it's going to win here too. But that is way better than Syriana, for sure, or that homage to Woody Allen's ego, Match Point.

Well, that's all the opinion I've got for today. Tune in on March 5th to find out if I'm right.

Please Explain

I sincerely don't understand the continued upheaval in Pakistan over those Danish cartoons. What is the connection to the United States? How will burning buildings and killing people change things? I don't care who is inciting these people to riot - how mind-numbingly stupid do you have to be to think that violence is okay? (Baa-baa go all the little sheep.)

I'm looking at pictures in today's newspaper and there are children rioting. Yes, children. There is also a report that one of the protesters accidentally shot and killed an 8-year-old boy. What parents allow their children to attend a riot? (Or a violent protest - whatever terminology you prefer.)

Can someone please explain to me (in small words so I understand) how this could happen in this day and age? I'm trying to understand, to empathize, but I'm finding it hard to feel sorry for a violent group of people who hate all Westerners indiscriminately.

Johari Who? Johari ME, silly...

Go here and do what is says, like a good boy/girl.

Wanted: Arsonist For Hire

Just as a follow-up to my last rant on the terrorists acting on the Danish cartoons that were reprinted recently in several European papers and depict a caricature of the Prophet Muhmammed...

Through Erin's site, I read one of her friend's responses to her opinions about the situation abroad. She (the friend) spoke as a Muslim, but not as a representative of all Muslim-kind. And she made a lot of excellent points, including this statement, "I think it was irresponsible of the EU to RE-publish those comics when they already knew that it caused boycotts only months earlier."

My only problem with this is - then why did the "Muslims" torch the Danish mission in Lebanon and ransack a Christian neighborhood? I certainly don't want to hold Taz responsible for answering this question or to offend her in any way, but I certainly wish that more of her "Muslim" brethren would adopt her attitude towards these cartoons. No matter how much offense you feel that the European newspapers are giving you, that doesn't make violence right. And if you believe, like she does, that the European papers acted irresponsibly, why are you still prosecuting the Danes? The whole situation is rife with emotion and aggression and hatred, and it is NOT on the side of the European newspapers or the Danes.

The people who are committing these atrocities need to stop and think. They are so utterly ineffective. Instead of burning buildings, write a letter to the editors of the newspapers. Work with your church to have roundtable discussions at the universities and churches in the cities where the cartoons were published. Inform the non-Muslim and Muslim masses alike. Work towards dialogue. Don't immediately jump to conclusions and force your opinions down the collective European throat. There ARE OTHER METHODS to get your point across, and are much more productive if your end goal is to be treated with the respect you feel you deserve.

Stupid Things I Do When I Should Be Rewriting My College Essays

Stolen from Musicguy, who filled this out in 2004 but I am just catching up with his Blog now...

A - Age: 26
B - Band listening to right now: Whatever I can program into my MP3 player, and whatever Anthony suggests. Newest band entering my vocabulary: Drop Kick Murphys and Less Than Jake.
C - Career future: International humanitarian aid worker
D - Dad's name: David
E - Easiest person to talk to: my mom, because she, like, so gets it
F - Favorite song: it depends on my mood, but invariably relates to my knowledge of all the words
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Gummy Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere; high adventure that's beyond compare; they are the gummy bears...
H - Hometown: Clinton, MA
I - Instruments: Nothing well, but I have had public performances for flute, clarinet, and voice. At one point I even tried the piano.
K - Kids: Not the human kind. But Anthony and I just adopted the cutest puppy ever...
L - Longest car ride ever: Huntsville, AL to Pheonix, AZ
M - Mom's name: Marylee, or, more fittingly, da' Momma
N - Number of people you slept with: Yeah, I want to tell the internet that
P - Phobia[s]: n/a
Q - Quote: I smell what you're stepping in - attributable to a high school friend of mine, Christian Stein-o-mite
R - Reason to smile: too many to count! But Anthony, Grace, Mom, Michelle, Christy, Mel, Yael's new baby, Sarol, and me tripping over my own two feet are amongst them.
S - Song you sang last: You must have been a beautiful baby, you must have been a beautiful child, you must have been a beautiful baby, cuz baby, look at you now - to my sweet, sweet Grace.
T - Time you wake up: 5AM, and not because I want to. It's because Grace does what I call the "puppy pee-pee" dance if I leave her in the crate any longer.
U - Unknown fact about me: I have never liked drinking.
V - Vegetable you hate: Lima beans
W - Worst habit: procrastinating
X - X-rays you've had: it would probably be easier to list those I haven't had.
Y - Yummy food: potatoes and ice cream
Z - Zodiac sign: Scorpio