Consuming Mass Quantities of Caffeine Makes Me Want to Shop

Because Tuesday's experience wasn't enough to keep me off of coffee, I have yet again consumed a cup of Caribou Coffee's dark roast of the day. And I have already annoyed the entire staff at work with my babbling, twitchiing, and general airheadedness, so now I'm online to bother the rest of you with my unintelligence.

The thing is, I'm really sick of being poor. So honestly, other than an attempt to stay focused for the better part of the next four hours, buying coffee enables me to feel like I've really made it: yes indeed, I can actually make a two dollar purchase a couple times a week without breaking the bank.

But it's all just an illusion, because honestly, I'm broke. Everyone I know gives me a hard time for never having any "mugger money" on me, but when you live paycheck to paycheck (and I mean this seriously - part of the reason I never go out is because I don't even have the $5 happy hour money), you really don't have the spare change to keep in your purse for safety's sake.

There are the Penn loans to pay back (those bastards! I'll be paying them off for the rest of my life), personal loans, credit card bills, direct-pay health insurance bills, cell phone bills (no home phone though), doctor's bills (because $500 a month for health insurance apparently doesn't do the trick), rent, groceries... And every time I think I'm ahead, I'm not. A whole slew of bills arrive in the mail the next day. Wankers.

So this coffee thing. I'm focused, coiled like a spring, and I'm thinking ahead about 3-4 paychecks. I'm thinking to a time when my new company kicks in the health insurance payments. And I'm thinking of all the cool shit I can buy with that extra hundred dollars. Work clothes. My Amazon.com wish list. New sneakers for running. A new bookcase. Maybe even an ipod. A tea kettle for the office.

And I want to spend that money NOW. I'm itching to whip out the credit cards and make $1000 in purchases.

No wonder why we poor people are so miserable. The things we want aren't even all that preposterous, and yet we still can't afford them.

Ergh, damn you coffee! Just let me return to my normal, bumbling, early-onset Alzheimers self...