Southern sayings of the week

Like I've told a handful of people over the last few days, I feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends.  All I do these days is work, and then plan social events for coworkers.  Sleep has not been much of a priority.  Consequently, neither has the upkeep of my Blog. 

So, instead of your daily does of adorably quaint southern sayings, today you are getting the past week of them, free of charge:

Friday, Feb 26th (when I was drinking far too much for my single kidney on an empty stomach at Policy Bar with colleagues and, luckily, my friend Jan - whom was clearly tasked with taking me home when I walked up to him and said, "I am really not sober right now.  Take me home."):
Hothead
He could start an argument in an empty house.

Saturday, Feb 27th (when I was recovering from aforementioned over-drinking, then going out to dinner and a house party with my friends Ali and Joey, whom I met in Peru and whom were both visiting DC - Ali, to visit friends and Joey to close out his service with the Marine Corps) and Sunday, Feb 28th (when I was brunching with Ali and Joey and then packing for an offsite for work and cooking dinner for Marilyn while we watched the end of the U.S. Olympic hockey game):
Surprised
Well, tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

Monday, March 1 (when I was at The Woods in Hedgesville, West VA, completing challenges relating to the acquirement of one "torch of knowledge," and drinking at the resort bar from 4PM onwards - don't worry, I switched to water after 2 beers):
Complainer
He's so ungrateful, he'd gripe with a ham under each arm.

Tuesday, March 2 (when I had just returned from wild and wonderful West Virginia, got really pissed off at a friend of mine, stewed for an hour or so, and then went to a local Korean restaurant for dinner and drinks by myself - the bartender took pity on me and gave me a 3-1 free to paid drink ratio; don't worry, the problem more or less resolved itself by 1AM):
If someone is chewing you out, you might say...
Oh, don't get your tail up and stinger out!

Wednesday, March 3 (when I paid for my dry cleaning but accidentally left it in the store, took my little sister out for dinner, and had drinks with her and her boyfriend):
Unattractive
He's so ugly he gets hired to haunt houses.

Thursday, March 4 (when I attended a happy hour set up by the social committee with my colleagues at Four Courts in VA before jumping ship and watching the Caps/Lightning game at the Verizon Center with Ali, Joey and Scott - awesomeness!  We had seats right behind the Lightning penalty box.)
When you're talking about a person who acts as if he knows it all, you might say...
He thinks he's captain of the corn pile.

Friday, March 5 (when I attened yet another happy hour set up by the social committee with my colleagues, this time in DC, and then ate sushi and experienced some improv comedy at The Source):
Brother-in-law
He's as useless as a milk bucket under a bull.

And now, the weekend saying for Saturday, March 6 (while I am trying to clean up my apartment, do laundry, go grocery shopping, draft a speech for the public speaking portion of my orientation, and relax before either heading out to dinner with my friend, Jan, and/or attending a house party being thrown by my carpool driver, Max) and Sunday, March 7 (when I will be a lazy ass all day before entertaining some of my girlfriends with take-out and a screening of the Oscars):
Country Bumpkin
He lives so deep in the backwoods he thinks asphalt is a butt disease.

(As a side note, Estee: how the hell do you do it???  I finally know what it is like to be you, constantly working or thinking about work...and I seriously want to die.  Dude, who can survive on 4 or 5 hours of a sleep a night?!!!  I'm thinking my speech for class may actually start sounding like the screenplay for Dirty Dancing!)