My thoughts on Sherlock Holmes

Having not lived in the U.S. for a while, I don't hear many reviews of the latest Hollywood releases.  Since I spent the Christmas and New Year's holidays in California, however, I did get some feedback on Guy Ritchie's latest caper/adventure flick, Sherlock Holmes.

One viewer described his disappointment that Ritchie insisted on using technology in the film that clearly wasn't available in the 1800s.  I thought that interesting, as I would think that the biggest complaint of the film would be how loosely based on the works of Arthur Conan Doyle it would prove to be.  (Might I also add that I find it interesting that the Conan Doyle family keeps extending the copyright on Sir Arthur's work?  Because the 70 years after an author's death just isn't enough time to keep the royalty checks rolling in...)

Regardless, I went to see it. 

Here are a few of my initial thoughts about the movie:

• This is hands-down the best role I have ever seen Jude Law choose.  He is not one of my favorite actors, but he is a gifted actor, and the role of Watson clearly displayed his talent.
• I still love Robert Downey Jr.  Not in the "wanna marry him" way, but in the "he is SUCH a great actor" kind of way.  Thank goodness he's off the drugs (again).
• Guy Ritchie knows how to make a stylistically superior film.  The texture of all the sets and cinematography and costumes - just beautiful.

Unfortunately, all that being said, I had a lukewarm response to the picture.  Not good, not bad.  I liked it, but will not be forever changed by the experience.  Moreover, I have a few nitpicky issues about it (warning: plot spoilers ahead):

• When Rachel McAddams' character, Irene Adler, falls off the unfinished suspension bridge, the viewer will easily assume that she is a goner.  However, she is completely fine - nary a scratch - and there is ZERO explanation of how she can fall hundreds of feet and land on a pier without injury.
• When Holmes places the handcuffs on Adler after the aforementioned fall off a bridge, should it be assumed that he is going to send her to jail?  Holmes just walks away and we neither see nor hear anything about Adler thereafter.
• The members of the secret society that researches and dabbles in black magic supposedly drink a potion that will immunize them to the effects of cyanide in gas form.  Is that even possible?
• Perhaps most annoying is the device that so many filmmakers use today: not cleanly closing the film, leaving it wide open for a sequel.  This movie closes with Holmes re-opening the case, when he realizes that the man who has been blackmailing Irene Adler is still at-large and has stolen a piece of a newly created chemical weapon.  I find it very irritating to finish a film and find no closure in it.

So take my comments for what they are worth (generally, next to nothing; after all, it was nominated for several Golden Globes, one of which was taken home by the very able, and very talented, Robert Downey Jr. for Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy). 

My final word: Sure, absolutely see this movie.  Despite it's flaws (in my humble opinion), you will be entertained and dazzled by the on-screen chemistry between the title characters, the talented acting, Ritchie's stylization, and the happy banter so necessary to a successful (if a bit fluffy) caper/adventure film.

Living on the border is tough

After the trials and tribulations of border crossing on Saturday, yesterday I decided to tempt fate and cross the border, not once, but twice.

First, in the morning, I had decided I was going to take Grace and Maggie hiking in Madera Canyon.  On Saturday night, I researched the available trails and picked a moderate one, known for it's good views.  I also picked one that was under 6 miles so the girls wouldn't die on me.

I left the house around 9:30AM - it would have been earlier, had the electricity not gone out the night before, leaving me awake most of the night, paralyzed with the fear that someone would break into the house while the fortifications were weak (which is completely untrue - the fortifications remain the same whether we have electricity or not; it's my ability to call for help that is severely disabled without electricity).  Irrational, I know, but nonetheless, I had a pretty sleepless night and my hopes for departing earlier were dashed. 

So, as I was saying, I left the house around 9:30AM.  We still don't have the physical tags for the Jeep, but it is completely insured in both the U.S. and Mexico, and we have the temporary license plastered across the back window.  We also haven't had the tags long enough yet to make an appointment with Border Patrol to SENTRIfy Bubba.  (SENTRIfy = the process by which we give BP money and they allow us to use the express lane with Bubba for frequent border crossing; each person and vehicle have separate SENTRI certifications.) 

What this all means is that I got to the border around 9:45AM and sat in line to cross for over an hour.  And then, when I got near to the Border Patrol agent, I realized that I COULD NOT FIND MY PASSPORT.

Can I tell you something, folks?  And I mean it: never, ever, never try to cross the Mexican border into the U.S. without your passport.  It's just stupid.

Meanwhile...so, I start to panic about not finding my passport, but I think I can use my SENTRI card for ID, along with anything else with my picture on it in the car.  The BP agents, as is their wont, proceed to give me a hard time.  I'm showing them my SENTRI card, my drivers license, a photocopy of said passport, the registration for the car, the insurance papers for the car...shit, I'm offering to gift them Maggie. 

I even tell them my whole sob story about being affiliated with the U.S. Consulate in Nogales, but without having the official paperwork to back my story up, they thought I was full of it.  So my story about Bubba just arriving from Lima, Peru, just wasn't jiving.

Then, of course, their radar is raised by the fact that they can't see the freakin' temporary tag in the back (plastic, might I add, and really quite filthy) window.  So they write down the vehicle's VIN number. 

And just as their hard-ass stares are beginning to relax a bit, they ask me for Grace and Maggie's vaccination records.  Are you kidding me??? 

I have never once - NOT ONCE - been asked for their vaccination records while crossing the border with Anthony (Mr. Man with the diplomatic passport, the official credentials and a gun).  Oh no.  They wait until I'm having a really hard time crossing and then clobber me with them.

Lucky for me, they told me to bring them next time and let me through.  What a severe pain in the tush.

So, we then start driving for Madera Canyon.  For whatever reason, I thought it was much, much closer to Nogales.  I drive and drive and drive up I-19, the main interstate that connects us at the border to Tucson, and realize that I am not seeing the signs.  I drive for 45 minutes, before I pull off the highway and go consult my directions again (I would have used the GPS system, but it was in the console, which I conveniently could not get open).  Of course, I had passed the exit 3 exits back.

So we back-track a bit and find the right exit.  Then it's another 20 miles or so east, toward the Santa Rita mountains.

We arrive at the first parking lot for Madera Canyon and I inquire about a yearly parking permit at the Visitor Center.  The very kind gentleman gently informs me that the pass can not be bought there that day because the location for sales is up the road above parking lot C, which, due to the snow in the mountains, had been closed.  He also told me that all the parking lots were full anyway.

So I drive by all the parking lots (because the nice man *had* to be lying, right?) and, sadly for me, all the parking spaces are indeed full.  Sadder yet, there are really only a handful of parking spaces anyway.

It is now 12:30PM and the kids and I have now spent 3 hours trying to go on a hike.  I see a dirt road just beyond the visitor center and I take it - we drive a few miles into what the park ranger described as "back country" and park Bubba.  We wander around for about an hour or so, taking in the scenery: the beautiful Santa Ritas, the vast dessert beyond, and the free-range cows that litter the landscape.  Seriously: free-range cows.

The Santa Rita mountains, with their fresh snow.

That's right, Anthony - I totally snagged your Cubs cap.

The girls were almost impossible to control when they heard the cows mooing.

One of the aforementioned free-range cows.

Desert and lakes beyond

So after all this awesomeness (i.e. wrangling two over-excited mutts for over an hour), we drove back to Nogales.  All told, a semi-successful, 6-hour trip.

I rewarded myself with a shower and a movie.

Southern saying of the day

Ego
He breathes through his nose to keep from wearin' out his teeth.

Taking a break

The furry children and I got rid of Anthony this morning (he is spending 4 days in Las Vegas) so we have the next few days to do whatever our little hearts desire.  Today was a bit of a wash, as I only got 3 or 4 hours of sleep (I pity those of you who are new parents and do that kind of thing on a regular basis) after consuming four glasses of wine.  Let's just say I'm getting too old to handle 4 servings of any kind of alcoholic substance (not to mention my lack o' one kidney) and leave it at that.

I also spent about 4 hours today dropping Anthony at the airport.  Which is more time than I like to spend in a car in any given day - although that estimate includes about 20 minutes of standing in the cold, while Border Patrol reviewed my car for god knows what reason when I tried to re-enter Mexico.

The good news is that I now have Bubba here with me AND he's got some temporary tags so I can actually drive him.  Today was his first official day on the road.  So far he's just transported Anthony and picked up some eggs, but tomorrow we're putting him to work.  The girls and I are going to go hiking in Madera Canyon.  Hopefully they're up for it. 

My other big Sunday plan is to go see Sherlock Holmes at our local theatre.  Just another weekend full of crazy shenanigans here in Nogales....

The downside is that Bubba still hasn't been SENTRIfied by DHS, so I have to wait in the plebian line for border crossing, which means I waste a half hour every time I go into the U.S.  I think we're getting that taken care of later this week; I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  The SENTRI lane takes all of 5 minutes in comparison.  It's AWESOME.

The one thing I am really trying to avoid this weekend is completing any more paperwork for State.  But it may be a necessary evil, as the one form I really have to finish up is the health insurance election form and the direct deposit form - two of my favorite forms (seriously; because I like having affordable health care and I really love getting paid).  Which means that I'll be FedExing the whole packet out on Monday or Tuesday.  And I'll be that one step closer to being a responsible, employed adult.  Sweet.

Well, my lovelies, I just heard the timer for my meatloaf so I am going to go, as Anthony would say, "Pack my face."  (Such a lovely image, no?)

Southern saying of the day

...or of the weekend....

Having just spent oodles of time on the phone with my favorite Southerner (here's looking at you, Martha), I am now ready to share this weekend's southern saying:

Children
Those little 'uns can be as fidgety as grasshoppers but just as cute.

What keeps this girl from getting in any kind of trouble

My days are now spent filling out form after form, researching health insurance options, and then scanning said forms for posterity.  Being a Foreign Service Officer with the State Department is much like any other government job - it's full of piles and piles of paperwork, the Paperwork Reduction Act be damned.

The two most difficult things I'm tackling these days are my move and the reimbursement for my physical exam.

The move is exacerbated by the fact that most of my belongings are still en route from Lima, Peru.  Our smaller shipment of household items arrived yesterday, which means that I can send a small shipment forward to DC (up to 250lbs), but the larger shipment of up to 7,200lbs is on hold for the time being.

I FINALLY managed to reach all the right people in the transportation office to authorize a second shipment of household effects from Massachusetts, where my mom has been holding a few items for me for, oh, a few YEARS.  It's not much, which is probably why I never bothered to go to the expense and effort of retrieving it, but it's coming to DC, folks!  Woot-effin'-woot.

The medical claim for reimbursement, on the other hand, is not going according to plan.  The kids in the claims department and the kids at the doctor's office keep missing each other.  The voucher was approved, but then the tax id number was not matching up to IRS records so now they want the doctor's W-9.  The doctor's office lady was in touch with the medical claims people yesterday, and was supposed to have faxed the document, but the medical claims people say NO GODDAMMIT, IT'S NOT HERE.  Seriously, like that, folks - in ALL CAPS.

However, the woman in the doctor's office - the only woman on earth who can apparently deal with this issue - had to leave the office for unforeseen circumstances and will be out until Tuesday.

It has taken me several weeks and a bathtub-full of margaritas to get to this point.  I'm not saying that I'm angry at anyone involved, but it is frustrating.  And it's only for a $200 reimbursement.  Oh, the amusement on Donald Trump's face if ever he had to work this hard for a measely 200 bucks...

So, that's where I am at these days, and I am about to go call the doctor's office again, to see what can be done.  And then, just for fun, I'm going to go research my health insurance options.  Should be fun.

Southern saying of the day

Brother-in-law
He's as useful as a trap door on a canoe.

I'm not exactly certain why Southerners are picking on your brother-in-law, but so be it.