Well, I’m unemployed, but that’s not what I want to write about today (I’ll save that lovely story for some other time…).

While I was at Animal Fair, I came across this random questionnaire while trying to figure out the content of a Seattle magazine, and I think it’s hilarious (so were the people’s answers by the way) that I wanted to post it here – with my ridiculously amused answers:

1. what is the coolest accessory/clothing item you own?
2. who is the coolest character from a book or film?
3. where is the coolest place you've been?
4. what is the coolest car you've ever been in?
5. how old were you when you discovered what "cool" meant?
6. would you rather be "hot" or "cool"?
7. on a scale of 1-10, how important is it to be cool?
8. if you are not being cool, you are being ____.
9. when is it not cool to be cool?
10. on a scale of 1-10 how cool are you?

Some of the people who answered these questions were totally arrogant and into themselves, while others were totally lacking in self-confidence. Somehow there was no one who really fell into a grey area. Let’s see how well I straddle that grey fence!

1. My Happy Harry the Hippo socks! They make me smile. (For those of you who have no idea, Harry was my Christmas tree / Hannukah Bush during college and all my friends came over for a holiday party and decorated him with lights and handmade ornaments. Harry now resides with Mommy and Daddy A. in Los Angeles. In exchange, Michelle, their spawn of a child, gave me Happy Harry the Hippo socks – yay! Oh, and Harry’s a big, soft, lovable Hippo.)
2. Garfield. He doesn’t care what anybody thinks, and he does his own thing: lasagna, mailing cute kittens to Abu Dhabi and napping like a hardcore narcoleptic.
3. People always like my story about traveling to Sharm El Sheikh, Egypt, with Secretary of State Powell for some Middle East Peace Talks with Middle East leaders and President Bush (2003). And I got to go snorkeling for the first time – in the Red Sea!
4. Hands down, my mom’s little red MG. But if I had my druthers, it would be a 1973 Bronco, the one that looks like a magnified Hot Wheels.
5. I still don’t know what “cool” means.
6. “Cool.” Because “hot” usually refers to physical characteristics, which always fade over time. “Cool” to me is a way of being, and that only gets better with age!
7. It’s not. What’s important in life is that you work on yourself, mold yourself into the person you want to be, each day of your life. “Coolness” is just a side show, a derivative of this attempt at LIVING.
8. If I’m not being “cool” , I am being myself.
9. This question is retarded. Who came up with this questionnaire??!
10. You tell me.

Things Today That Make Me Happy: the sound of rain, the dry heat of the heater on my frozen toes, wearing the softest shirt I own, petting the cat and watching him enjoy the attention, riding the subway and reading my latest book find (My Year of Meats), thinking about last night’s movie with Vincent and Dara (The Station Agent), reaching out to strangers on the phone and finding out that they’re nice and want to talk to me, eating my hot oatmeal and sipping my chamomile tea, dreaming about going home and taking a bath, knowing I will quit this unsatisfying job within a week…

I MUST tell you about this really silly conversation I’ve been having lately at work! So to catch you up: yeah, I still work at the animal place; yeah, I am still working on the book tour extraordinaire; yeah, I am still trying to talk NFL players into attending a doggie cocktail party – NOW QUIT LAUGHING!!!

SO. (Buttons.) (a little The Truth About Cats And Dogs humor for ya) I’ve been talking to one player’s agent, and that agent keeps talking about massage. Apparently it’s his passion in life. In my first actual conversation with him, he offers me one of his NY masseuse’s sessions – for free! And every five minutes he keeps saying, “I don’t even normally return my phone calls. I don’t know how you’re keeping me on the phone, but either you’re really a REAL person, or you’re an incredibly good salesperson.” So I told him the truth: I SUCK at sales.

The next day, his INCREDIBLY gay assistant returns one of my calls (I'm talking SO gay that even my baby boyfriend Jimmy looks straight!). Somehow he manages to work several personal questions about my physical appearance into the conversation and I’m beginning to think that he and “Boss,” as he likes to call this agent, are scheming together to hit on me. Then Teri (that’s the assistant) makes me pinky swear not to tell Boss anything we’ve discussed. He also tells me that I must have made a good impression because I am on the 1st must-call list, between Dan Merino and some Congressman. (Don't ask! I have no idea what I did!!!)

So moving onto conversation number two with Boss: he says, “If you and your boys, or your boyfriend, or your husband, or whatever, ever want to get a way for a weekend – there’s a bunch of great spas here in Miami.” Oh yeah, Boss lives half the year in Miami, half in New York. Continuing on… “If you ever want, just give me a call and I’ll send my plane out to get you guys.” So I’m flipping out… it’s the most amusement and fun I’ve had at work since I started!!! You can’t make this stuff up!!!

For instance, Boss picked up Teri on vacation in Arizona several years back (Uh, Boss is straight though). Teri was their (i.e. Boss + one amazingly beautiful girlfriend) cabana boy, and Boss was so impressed that he convinced him to return to NYC and work for him. Now that’s the kind of break in life I’m looking for! Teri travels between NY and Miami helping Boss out, and he occasionally gets to go on vacation with him! Teri brings his boyfriend and they have a wonderful time! It is also my understanding that Teri gets paid quite well for his assistance.

Where do I get myself a Boss-man/woman?!

Another weekend down, another one of Vincent’s birthdays. This year we didn’t raise hell, we didn’t get kicked out of any classy establishments, and my ‘pimps and ho’s’ idea was unceremoniously tossed aside in favor of our all-too-regular cold weather gear.

So we ate out at a nice restaurant and then we went to a bar called The Remote Lounge – this place which is outfitted with cameras covering every angle of the building. You can spy on other people, talk to the man/woman of your choice using the phone attached to your video monitor, or put on a show-stopping burlesque show of your own. I, of course, was not feeling the voyeur inside of me, nor was I in touch with my inner man (most of the cameras seemed to find their way to the breast region of every female in the place), so I didn’t necessarily enjoy myself. Yet I did get phone calls from several unidentified men – and I didn’t even have to make out with a girl or jiggle my boobage!!

Well, at least Vincent thoroughly enjoyed himself. Let’s just say The Remote Lounge is like a little slice of heaven for my baby boy…so much so that he dragged his sorry, Red Bull and Grey Goosed tuckas into the house after 4AM!

Of course, Vincent’s friends were out en force: David L., Starr & Doug, Dara & Mark, Kathryn, Hunter… if your name is not on this list, it must be because you are not a member of the elite inner circle of the Vincent Cult. I’m sorry, maybe next year. Or maybe for his 40th birthday.

Did I mention age? My baby turned 35 today! Superbowl Sunday and not only is he 35, but he’s hung over as well. Good times, no?

Hey guys, my good friend Tom sent me this great link that may actually help you decide who you want to win for POTUS (President of the United States of America ). Basically you go to the site, respond to questions on gay rights, education, foreign policy, economics, the environment, welfare, Medicaid, etc., and at the end the website tells you which of the candidates’ viewpoint most closely matches your own. You can even do comparison charts between all of them. I ended up with 100% on Kerry, and 90% on Dean – but it basically appears that they have the same platform so I’ll have to watch some debates to see who’s less of a bum (but we all know that come election day, there is no chance in h-e-double hockey sticks that I’m going to vote for Bush!)… So check out President Match!!!

Good evening boys and girlies. I just spent quite a nice Saturday at home – yup, that WOULD mean that it is now nearing 10PM and I am still cozy in my pajamas from yesterday. Who woulda’ guessed?

Vince and I were supposed to be skiing at Camelback this weekend with our friends Michael and Katherine, but things didn’t work out as planned and instead I put the finishing touches on Vincent’s birthday bash next Saturday night, I made reservations for a Murder Mystery Weekend at the Brookview Manor and also for our friend Toni’s play The Butler Did It, I joined the Appalachian Mountain Club, and I completed about 7 pages in my scrapbook (yes, my dear friends, I am still working on the scrapbook that was supposed to be finito in 2001).

In recent memory, I also just finished The Old Wives Tale, which is listed somewhere as one of the top 100 books to read of all time and if you’re in to classics, you might really like this novel. It’s kind of like Seinfeld insomuch as it’s a book about absolutely nothing, but I enjoyed it on every subway ride I’ve taken this month. Ha HA! So my next read is The Da Vinci Code. Vince has been trying to get me to read The Dark Tower series by Stephen King ever since I gave the books to him for completing his first project at work, but I think I’m going to hold out for a little while longer. The pile of books next to my bed is getting increasingly higher and I really should make a valiant attempt at getting through them and putting them back on the shelves in our “library.”

So, today I was leafing through my photos of Italy (I’m on November 2001 in my scrapbooking) and I was thinking to myself, “Man, I really need to go on more trips.” I never want to be one of those people who works hard, takes no time off of work, retires, AND THEN starts traveling. I want to see the world while I’m young and still able to do many things without my arthritis and rheumatism acting up. I know when I get older I’ll have more patience and money, and perhaps even a keener sense of how to appreciate things, but I still want to do all that I can NOW.

Thus far in my life, I’ve visited much of the United States (having spent significant time in Alabama, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticutt, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Louisianna, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Texas, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wisconsin) and abroad (having spent time in Canada – it counts!, England, Egypt, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Spain). But I still want to see more of the world. I’ve been keeping a list on my Palm Pilot of the places I’d like to see / things I’d like to do (yeah Corinne, right by my “cheat” list) and here they are, in no particular order:
Alaskan cruise
The Alaska Highway
Walk the Appalachian Trail (like my hero, David Stango!)
Austrailia
Bali
Burning Man Festival
Brazil
Cambodia
Caribbean Cruise
China
Costa Rica
Dead Sea (even though I’ve already seen the Red Sea!) and Israel
I want to take Vincent to England – London specifically
Fiji
Gabon
Greece
Hawaii
Iceland (Vincent thinks this is the most perfect place on earth)
Italy, AGAIN (last time my mom brought me as a kind of birthday present, but this time around I want Vincent to try to “rough” it out)
Japan
Jazz Festival in New Orleans
Korea
Kuala Lampur
Mexico
Nepal (I’m still working on the whole “family” vacation there, but San doesn’t seem to want to go back anytime soon; the bonus? I already convinced my friend, Jeff, to go with me since Vincent practically refuses to go)
New Zealand
Phillipines
Portland, Oregon
Prague
Seattle, Washington
South African safari
Thailand
A U.S. trip of the National Parks
Vietnam

And that about rounds that list out. This year I have several lovely trips planned, and I certainly hope they all pan out! The first should be a trip out to California to hike Mt. Whitney with my Michelle and Daddy A. Then it’s off to Las Vegas for a few days of sin with our friends Hunter and Alex, followed by a 6-day rafting and hiking trip in the Grand Canyon. Finally, I shall be relaxing on the beach with my Jimmy and Corinne come winter, while we enjoy our Dominican Republic vacation! So the year is rounding out nicely for me as far as adventure goes. So here’s to more of this!

Speaking of adventure, I am about to join the New York chapter of Team in Training, which is this group that trains and competes in marathons, triathlons and century bike rides around the world. The training, some equipment, and all travel and competition expenses are paid by Team in Training (a NPO). The only thing I need provide is a certain fundraising minimum, about 75% of which goes to fund blood cancer research. Everyone on the team rides/runs/walks/competes either in honor or in memory of someone they know whose life has been affected by blood cancer. My choice for the season is to compete in the Lake Tahoe Century Bike Ride in June (I think that’s the month) in honor of my Nonnie. I am really psyched about this event, as it’s a great way to give a little back to someone you care about, to do charity, and to get in kick-ass shape! The only thing that kind of stinks about the biking team is that our practices are at 6:30AM. I haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to get to Central Park by 6:30AM, and then back home to shower, and still be in to work on time. Oh yeah, training is during the week AND on weekends. Say goodbye to your old friend, Ryan!!!

Well, that’s my five and a half cents for the time being. Vincent just went out in the cold, harsh winter night to buy me some mint chocolate chip ice cream and I mean to eat some!!!

I keep stealing things from my friend Brian D.’s website – ideas I mean, not each verse. In any case, that’s where my super cool Japanese warrior comes from, as does the next idea. Apparently it’s a fun thing to go into your winamp, or whatever other MP3 player you’ve got, and random the poopie out of it. Then you list your top 20 songs so people can see how diverse you are. Or how out of your lovin’ mind you are. That’s it, one of the two.

In any case, this is mine – but please keep in mind that most of my CDs have yet to be ripped and we are working off of over 400 of Vincent’s CDs (maybe I should have waited until we’re done with our whole convert-our-collection-to-high-quality-MP3s project…?!):

1. Thievery Corporation’s Omid (Hope) from The Richest Man in Babylon
2. Carl Cox, Siberian Snowstorm (the Dave Angel Mix) from F-A-C-T 2 Disk 2
3. Beth Orton, Central Reservation (the Then Again Version) from Central Reservation
4. Boris Grebenshikov, The Postcard from Radio Silence
5. Jude, Cammie from 430 N. Harper Ave.
6. Cowboy Junkies, Miles from our Home from Miles from our Home
7. U2, Daddy’s Gonna Pay for Your Crashed Car from Zooropa
8. Belle and Sebastian, Dog on Wheels from Dog on Wheels
9. Dinah Washington, I’m Through with Love from What a Diff’rence a Day Makes!
10. Electric Light Orchestra, Livin’ Thing from Afterglow Disk 2
11. Boston, Cool the Engines from Third Stage
12. Billy Bragg, This Guitar Says Sorry from Back to Basics
13. Jude, OUI FM Interview 6 from Bootleg Mix 2
14. Digweed & Muir, Beautiful Strange from John Digweed Stark Raving Mad Disk 2
15. Depeche Mode, Halo from Violator
16. Donovan, Universal Soldier from Love is Hot, Truth is Molten
17. Arab Strap, Gourmet from The Week Never Starts around Here
18. Lenny Kravitz, Blues for Sister Someone from Let Love Rule
19. Steely Dan, I Got the News from Aja
20. The Dave Brubeck Quartet, Campdown Races from Gone with the Wind

See, wasn’t that fun?

In other news, I am discovering more about the person I am today each and every time I step into my new office. Let’s see, I have a really hard time working in a professional environment with spontaneous, unorganized people; I don’t have a lot of patience for people giving me a job to do, doing it, and then being told that my methods are wrong (wouldn’t you think that if you wanted something done a certain way, you would tell your minions that first and not after the fact? There’s nothing more annoying than having to do something twice); and at this point in my life, I don’t particularly want to work for such little pay and be expected to work late (without overtime might I add). I’ve been reprimanded for not being positive enough (I like to call my form of salesmanship “realism” – and honestly, when I’m being perky to strangers I sound like a flipping moron, that cheeky morning person we all want to kill with their sugary voice and happy smile) and for not working a full day – despite the fact that I have never taken a lunch hour (I eat at my desk while working) and there have been very few times that I’ve put on my coat at 6PM to go home.

What a very strange environment in which I find myself.

Of course, at the same time, I realize I’m learning quite a bit about the business I’m in, and my boss knows what she’s doing (sometimes so much so that I’m wondering why she wants me to do the work instead of just doing it herself). She has really wonderful pointers so long as I can keep my inherent stubbornness down to a low roar. And I’m still eternally grateful for having something that impels me to get out of the house every day…

Now here’s something new: I dragged Vincent out to see The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King last night (after spending all week “prepping” for it by watching the other two AGAIN), and I think I can honestly say that despite Orlando Bloom being about the hottest elf I could ever imagine, there’s something lacking in the movies. Yes, I cried at the end but I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that I truly am a sap – but I still feel like the movies weren’t all that compelling. I believe that the best part of their release was that each scene reminds me of reading the books – especially as Peter Jackson did not stray too much from the original content. Of course, none of the characters are as I imagined them, but close enough, right?

Well, I do believe that’s my two cents for the day and I should be off to explore new avenues in the world of book tours…

Oh, and check out my Vincent’s Blog when you have a chance!