Ah, Valentine’s Day. Another useless, overly commercial holiday where people run out into the great wide world of opportunists and make an art form out of consumerism.

That being said, I enjoyed my holiday. More to the point, I’ve enjoyed my whole week out of work. I feel a little better knowing that I now have the time to get a few things done. Like meeting the Fab 5. Yeah, the guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! They did this promotion with Virgin Megastore for their new CD, and Vince went out and purchased it so I could get an armband. The armband allowed us to stand outside Virgin on Friday night for two hours for the opportunity to meet 5 of the most famous gay men today. I want you all to know that I got to kiss, and be kissed by, Kyan, Thom, Jai, AND Ted (and as the woman behind me kept screaming, “Kyan is so HOT!” – with extreme emphasis on the word “HOT!” Of course, my constant reply was, “Yeah, but he’s GAY.” Oh well, I tried.).

Carson was the first boy I met and I was totally unprepared. The security at the event gave you about two seconds in front of each person before they ushered you on. So yeah, after two hours in the cold, where my toes were nothing more than blocks of ice in my non-winter shoes, I hadn’t thought of something witty to say to Carson in the whole two seconds of time I was allotted.

However, Carson was on HIS game so I was thoroughly complimented on my sweater (which was repeated by 4 out of 5 gay boys) and by gay boy number 2 I had found something interesting to say. And managed a few kisses. Nothing compares to my make-out sessions with Jimmy (he’ll ALWAYS be my number one gay boy!!!), but it made my night.

Of course, Vincent had no interest in being there so he did his best to take pictures around the security guards (usually failing). Here’s what he was able to snap:





That night I also got to see opening night of 50 First Dates – that new movie with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. The reason I bring this up is because Vincent actually cried. And I want you all to go out and see the kind of movie he connects to. It’ll be an experience. And at the very least, it’s an enjoyable romantic comedy…

After the movie we were supposed to meet up with Mel and Andrew, but Mel couldn’t hold her liquor at dinner (some things just never change ) so it was just Vincent, me, Andrew and about a million Penn grads in town for the Penn game. I reconnected with David, who received a ride from Washington D.C. to Philadelphia from us about two-three years ago and we dropped him off right ON I-676 because the traffic was so bad. I also got to see Brian (remember him, Michelle?), who was once of the belief that I am a lesbian. I don’t know if that’s changed, but I guess it’s good that he wasn’t around for the $40 transaction that occurred last time Andrew was in town.

In any case, we drank a fish bowl full of alcohol (which is incidentally how Andrew got this alligator):



I had a good time – even if Andrew kept trying to cop a feel to determine if I really got my nipples pierced!

And the only other thing I have to show you guys is this:



I was there when Jeremy Roenick took a puck to the face and broke his jaw. It was unreal. I mean, you’re always accustomed to all the heavy hitting and all that is beautifully aggressive about the game of hockey, but that much blood is usually not an occurrence. Then about thirty seconds later, another “star” player, Primeau, was taken out of the game for taking a hit to the face.

I still hold to my opinion that hockey is the most beautiful, graceful violence I’ve ever encountered, of course.

Well, I’m unemployed, but that’s not what I want to write about today (I’ll save that lovely story for some other time…).

While I was at Animal Fair, I came across this random questionnaire while trying to figure out the content of a Seattle magazine, and I think it’s hilarious (so were the people’s answers by the way) that I wanted to post it here – with my ridiculously amused answers:

1. what is the coolest accessory/clothing item you own?
2. who is the coolest character from a book or film?
3. where is the coolest place you've been?
4. what is the coolest car you've ever been in?
5. how old were you when you discovered what "cool" meant?
6. would you rather be "hot" or "cool"?
7. on a scale of 1-10, how important is it to be cool?
8. if you are not being cool, you are being ____.
9. when is it not cool to be cool?
10. on a scale of 1-10 how cool are you?

Some of the people who answered these questions were totally arrogant and into themselves, while others were totally lacking in self-confidence. Somehow there was no one who really fell into a grey area. Let’s see how well I straddle that grey fence!

1. My Happy Harry the Hippo socks! They make me smile. (For those of you who have no idea, Harry was my Christmas tree / Hannukah Bush during college and all my friends came over for a holiday party and decorated him with lights and handmade ornaments. Harry now resides with Mommy and Daddy A. in Los Angeles. In exchange, Michelle, their spawn of a child, gave me Happy Harry the Hippo socks – yay! Oh, and Harry’s a big, soft, lovable Hippo.)
2. Garfield. He doesn’t care what anybody thinks, and he does his own thing: lasagna, mailing cute kittens to Abu Dhabi and napping like a hardcore narcoleptic.
3. People always like my story about traveling to Sharm El Sheikh, Egypt, with Secretary of State Powell for some Middle East Peace Talks with Middle East leaders and President Bush (2003). And I got to go snorkeling for the first time – in the Red Sea!
4. Hands down, my mom’s little red MG. But if I had my druthers, it would be a 1973 Bronco, the one that looks like a magnified Hot Wheels.
5. I still don’t know what “cool” means.
6. “Cool.” Because “hot” usually refers to physical characteristics, which always fade over time. “Cool” to me is a way of being, and that only gets better with age!
7. It’s not. What’s important in life is that you work on yourself, mold yourself into the person you want to be, each day of your life. “Coolness” is just a side show, a derivative of this attempt at LIVING.
8. If I’m not being “cool” , I am being myself.
9. This question is retarded. Who came up with this questionnaire??!
10. You tell me.

Things Today That Make Me Happy: the sound of rain, the dry heat of the heater on my frozen toes, wearing the softest shirt I own, petting the cat and watching him enjoy the attention, riding the subway and reading my latest book find (My Year of Meats), thinking about last night’s movie with Vincent and Dara (The Station Agent), reaching out to strangers on the phone and finding out that they’re nice and want to talk to me, eating my hot oatmeal and sipping my chamomile tea, dreaming about going home and taking a bath, knowing I will quit this unsatisfying job within a week…

I MUST tell you about this really silly conversation I’ve been having lately at work! So to catch you up: yeah, I still work at the animal place; yeah, I am still working on the book tour extraordinaire; yeah, I am still trying to talk NFL players into attending a doggie cocktail party – NOW QUIT LAUGHING!!!

SO. (Buttons.) (a little The Truth About Cats And Dogs humor for ya) I’ve been talking to one player’s agent, and that agent keeps talking about massage. Apparently it’s his passion in life. In my first actual conversation with him, he offers me one of his NY masseuse’s sessions – for free! And every five minutes he keeps saying, “I don’t even normally return my phone calls. I don’t know how you’re keeping me on the phone, but either you’re really a REAL person, or you’re an incredibly good salesperson.” So I told him the truth: I SUCK at sales.

The next day, his INCREDIBLY gay assistant returns one of my calls (I'm talking SO gay that even my baby boyfriend Jimmy looks straight!). Somehow he manages to work several personal questions about my physical appearance into the conversation and I’m beginning to think that he and “Boss,” as he likes to call this agent, are scheming together to hit on me. Then Teri (that’s the assistant) makes me pinky swear not to tell Boss anything we’ve discussed. He also tells me that I must have made a good impression because I am on the 1st must-call list, between Dan Merino and some Congressman. (Don't ask! I have no idea what I did!!!)

So moving onto conversation number two with Boss: he says, “If you and your boys, or your boyfriend, or your husband, or whatever, ever want to get a way for a weekend – there’s a bunch of great spas here in Miami.” Oh yeah, Boss lives half the year in Miami, half in New York. Continuing on… “If you ever want, just give me a call and I’ll send my plane out to get you guys.” So I’m flipping out… it’s the most amusement and fun I’ve had at work since I started!!! You can’t make this stuff up!!!

For instance, Boss picked up Teri on vacation in Arizona several years back (Uh, Boss is straight though). Teri was their (i.e. Boss + one amazingly beautiful girlfriend) cabana boy, and Boss was so impressed that he convinced him to return to NYC and work for him. Now that’s the kind of break in life I’m looking for! Teri travels between NY and Miami helping Boss out, and he occasionally gets to go on vacation with him! Teri brings his boyfriend and they have a wonderful time! It is also my understanding that Teri gets paid quite well for his assistance.

Where do I get myself a Boss-man/woman?!

Another weekend down, another one of Vincent’s birthdays. This year we didn’t raise hell, we didn’t get kicked out of any classy establishments, and my ‘pimps and ho’s’ idea was unceremoniously tossed aside in favor of our all-too-regular cold weather gear.

So we ate out at a nice restaurant and then we went to a bar called The Remote Lounge – this place which is outfitted with cameras covering every angle of the building. You can spy on other people, talk to the man/woman of your choice using the phone attached to your video monitor, or put on a show-stopping burlesque show of your own. I, of course, was not feeling the voyeur inside of me, nor was I in touch with my inner man (most of the cameras seemed to find their way to the breast region of every female in the place), so I didn’t necessarily enjoy myself. Yet I did get phone calls from several unidentified men – and I didn’t even have to make out with a girl or jiggle my boobage!!

Well, at least Vincent thoroughly enjoyed himself. Let’s just say The Remote Lounge is like a little slice of heaven for my baby boy…so much so that he dragged his sorry, Red Bull and Grey Goosed tuckas into the house after 4AM!

Of course, Vincent’s friends were out en force: David L., Starr & Doug, Dara & Mark, Kathryn, Hunter… if your name is not on this list, it must be because you are not a member of the elite inner circle of the Vincent Cult. I’m sorry, maybe next year. Or maybe for his 40th birthday.

Did I mention age? My baby turned 35 today! Superbowl Sunday and not only is he 35, but he’s hung over as well. Good times, no?

Hey guys, my good friend Tom sent me this great link that may actually help you decide who you want to win for POTUS (President of the United States of America ). Basically you go to the site, respond to questions on gay rights, education, foreign policy, economics, the environment, welfare, Medicaid, etc., and at the end the website tells you which of the candidates’ viewpoint most closely matches your own. You can even do comparison charts between all of them. I ended up with 100% on Kerry, and 90% on Dean – but it basically appears that they have the same platform so I’ll have to watch some debates to see who’s less of a bum (but we all know that come election day, there is no chance in h-e-double hockey sticks that I’m going to vote for Bush!)… So check out President Match!!!

Good evening boys and girlies. I just spent quite a nice Saturday at home – yup, that WOULD mean that it is now nearing 10PM and I am still cozy in my pajamas from yesterday. Who woulda’ guessed?

Vince and I were supposed to be skiing at Camelback this weekend with our friends Michael and Katherine, but things didn’t work out as planned and instead I put the finishing touches on Vincent’s birthday bash next Saturday night, I made reservations for a Murder Mystery Weekend at the Brookview Manor and also for our friend Toni’s play The Butler Did It, I joined the Appalachian Mountain Club, and I completed about 7 pages in my scrapbook (yes, my dear friends, I am still working on the scrapbook that was supposed to be finito in 2001).

In recent memory, I also just finished The Old Wives Tale, which is listed somewhere as one of the top 100 books to read of all time and if you’re in to classics, you might really like this novel. It’s kind of like Seinfeld insomuch as it’s a book about absolutely nothing, but I enjoyed it on every subway ride I’ve taken this month. Ha HA! So my next read is The Da Vinci Code. Vince has been trying to get me to read The Dark Tower series by Stephen King ever since I gave the books to him for completing his first project at work, but I think I’m going to hold out for a little while longer. The pile of books next to my bed is getting increasingly higher and I really should make a valiant attempt at getting through them and putting them back on the shelves in our “library.”

So, today I was leafing through my photos of Italy (I’m on November 2001 in my scrapbooking) and I was thinking to myself, “Man, I really need to go on more trips.” I never want to be one of those people who works hard, takes no time off of work, retires, AND THEN starts traveling. I want to see the world while I’m young and still able to do many things without my arthritis and rheumatism acting up. I know when I get older I’ll have more patience and money, and perhaps even a keener sense of how to appreciate things, but I still want to do all that I can NOW.

Thus far in my life, I’ve visited much of the United States (having spent significant time in Alabama, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticutt, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Louisianna, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Texas, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wisconsin) and abroad (having spent time in Canada – it counts!, England, Egypt, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Spain). But I still want to see more of the world. I’ve been keeping a list on my Palm Pilot of the places I’d like to see / things I’d like to do (yeah Corinne, right by my “cheat” list) and here they are, in no particular order:
Alaskan cruise
The Alaska Highway
Walk the Appalachian Trail (like my hero, David Stango!)
Austrailia
Bali
Burning Man Festival
Brazil
Cambodia
Caribbean Cruise
China
Costa Rica
Dead Sea (even though I’ve already seen the Red Sea!) and Israel
I want to take Vincent to England – London specifically
Fiji
Gabon
Greece
Hawaii
Iceland (Vincent thinks this is the most perfect place on earth)
Italy, AGAIN (last time my mom brought me as a kind of birthday present, but this time around I want Vincent to try to “rough” it out)
Japan
Jazz Festival in New Orleans
Korea
Kuala Lampur
Mexico
Nepal (I’m still working on the whole “family” vacation there, but San doesn’t seem to want to go back anytime soon; the bonus? I already convinced my friend, Jeff, to go with me since Vincent practically refuses to go)
New Zealand
Phillipines
Portland, Oregon
Prague
Seattle, Washington
South African safari
Thailand
A U.S. trip of the National Parks
Vietnam

And that about rounds that list out. This year I have several lovely trips planned, and I certainly hope they all pan out! The first should be a trip out to California to hike Mt. Whitney with my Michelle and Daddy A. Then it’s off to Las Vegas for a few days of sin with our friends Hunter and Alex, followed by a 6-day rafting and hiking trip in the Grand Canyon. Finally, I shall be relaxing on the beach with my Jimmy and Corinne come winter, while we enjoy our Dominican Republic vacation! So the year is rounding out nicely for me as far as adventure goes. So here’s to more of this!

Speaking of adventure, I am about to join the New York chapter of Team in Training, which is this group that trains and competes in marathons, triathlons and century bike rides around the world. The training, some equipment, and all travel and competition expenses are paid by Team in Training (a NPO). The only thing I need provide is a certain fundraising minimum, about 75% of which goes to fund blood cancer research. Everyone on the team rides/runs/walks/competes either in honor or in memory of someone they know whose life has been affected by blood cancer. My choice for the season is to compete in the Lake Tahoe Century Bike Ride in June (I think that’s the month) in honor of my Nonnie. I am really psyched about this event, as it’s a great way to give a little back to someone you care about, to do charity, and to get in kick-ass shape! The only thing that kind of stinks about the biking team is that our practices are at 6:30AM. I haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to get to Central Park by 6:30AM, and then back home to shower, and still be in to work on time. Oh yeah, training is during the week AND on weekends. Say goodbye to your old friend, Ryan!!!

Well, that’s my five and a half cents for the time being. Vincent just went out in the cold, harsh winter night to buy me some mint chocolate chip ice cream and I mean to eat some!!!