There isn't much to say today, but I didn't want to leave all you loyal followers out in the cold. Granted, I don't really believe I have any loyal followers, but I was always a big fan of the game "Pretend" so you'll just have to humor me (oh wait, who am I talking to?).

In any case, Anthony is still in a land far, far away, and I am still in Philadelphia (whew! Nothing has changed yet). However, I will be moving across town in a few short weeks so if you still love me and want to pretend you're going to send me a birthday card in a few months, you can always ask me for my new address. Otherwise, I will send out the info as I see fit in a month or so.

This next bit is mostly for my mom, but if anyone cares, they can continue too: So I just bought some bedding for the new bachelorette pad. You can go online and view it all at Pottery Barn - it's the Emily Duvet (floral) and the Multi-Stripe Quilt. They're simply fantastic! And I am painting my room "osage orange" because Corinne tells me that Mandarin will be much too dark/bright. Then add to that my five miles of desk and bookcases and you've got a happy-go-lucky Ryan room! I haven't decided yet if I am going to paint all my furniture white or not, but I'm waiting to see how the walls come out to make that decision. So that's my interior designer story...

I have also been making multiple vacation plans lately. As you all (HA!) already know, I am going on that Grand Canyon rafting trip with Vincent in September, but I am also planning a long weekend in Ireland in October with Anthony and his mom, a Dominican Republic trip with (my gay boyfriend) Jimmy in November, a trip home for Thanksgiving, and possibly a trip to visit my friend Chris in the Czech Republic over Christmas.

That last vacation is a little spotty at best, but I am crossing my fingers and hoping! The others are all set in stone at this point. Vince and I have tickets to Zumanity in Las Vegas for the night of our arrival, and a hotel of course. Then we're off to the Canyon the next day, where I can laugh at his unathletic ability for a week!

Anthony is taking care of booking my flight for Ireland, so my memory is all I have to serve me on this one. I believe it is the first weekend in October and we will be traveling to Dublin. My goal is to convince my friend Darwin to drive down to visit us. It's been much too long since I last saw him!

The DR trip was just settled, for the most part, last night over a few beers and some mac n' cheese at the Royal Tavern. Jimmy and I are going on a free vacation he won in a radio contest to Punta Cana, at the Bavara Princess Resort where everything is all-inclusive. It will be my first trip to the Caribbean so I am very enthusiastic about the whole thing! I can't wait to hang out with Jimmy for five days nonstop too!!!!

Okay, I am sick of my own exclamation points now. I know how excited traveling gets me, but I really need to tame it down a bit. On top of that, I really should go because work is over - yes, indeedy - and I need to meet Corinne for our usual walk home.

So, the advice of the day: go home - you can always procrastinate tomorrow!

Despite mother nature's little joke of giving me a sunburn on my arse while I was wearing 30 SPF, I had a really nice weekend with Corinne, Vincent and Christian at the Shore. The weather was beautiful, the ocean was the warmest I remember it being since I was a wee one, and, perhaps most importantly, I saw my kitties!!

Just because I know you are wondering, as you often do you little ponderer you!, Daisy and Chi-Chi are doing well. Vincent has managed not to kill them and to keep them relatively happy, fed and well-hydrated. Granted, Chi-Chi only comes out from under the bed for feeding time and poopie time (although, as we found out, he sometimes only makes it halfway down the ladder/stairs for poopie time), but that's really no different from when we lived in New York. Both of the kitties love being at the dock, and coming outside to explore the deck. For two lifelong housekitties, this has been quite the adventure!

Well, in other-than-kitty news, we had quite a relaxing weekend - except for the late nights, of course. Corinne and I were wined (or more specifically, cider-ed) and dined at Smith's Dock (not to mention "Dairy Queen!!!!"); regaled with sun, waves and a nice cool breeze on the beach; entertained for hours on end by two drunk boys; lost at the amusement park rides on the Wildwood piers (yes, my team of four literally LOST me - twice!); and then reduced to a near catatonic state by remaining in our pajamas watching TIVO from the pull-out sofa bed on Sunday morning/afternoon during the rainstorm.

To make my weekend a rousing success, Vincent agreed to drive Corinne and I home and on the way we stopped to see The Village at the Ritz 16 in Voorhees and then Friendly's for my Reese's Peanutbutter Cup sundae!!! Woo-hooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

So that was generally it. It felt good to see Vincent again and work on our friendship - and I am happy that Corinne and Vincent were able to visit with one another too. Of course, it goes without saying (but I don't want feelings hurt so here goes...) that I had a wonderful time seeing Christian as well!

The only thing that has happened since then is that today is my first paid day of work at the Committee of Seventy. It's amazing - Ryan has a job!! Which, if she wants to keep it, she should get back to pretending she's doing it...gotta love me...

Right now I am sitting in the home office of Anthropology/Urban Outfitters, waiting for Corinne to finish up work so I can get me some beach time. Unfortunately, I have now been sitting here for two hours and I could use a nap. I haven't slept through the night in weeks so that kind of makes Ryan a very sleepy girl by mid-afternoon.

In any case, Corinne and I are off to the Shore to visit Vincent this weekend. With any luck, it won't rain and we'll get some fun in the sun. Vince sent me a picture over email to prove to me what a beautiful day he was enjoying out there today, so the hope is up. It's time for lobster, boats, sand and water...

Grrrr...my eyes are burning - I am so exhausted. Ergh!

Anywho, I am trying to think through this whole fog that is wrapped around my brain, but it doesn't seem to be working. I just got off the phone with Anthony (who is the new guy I am dating) and I realize I am no better off now. Well, he was just getting on a plane to go to Europe for the next month or so. So his last conversation with me for a month and a half (because I am going on that rafting trip once he returns) will be one of no mental or spiritual merit whatsoever.

Oh my goodness, I really need to make this stop. My brain is not even remotely functioning. I will talk in your general direction once I have more focus.

However, before I go, my rant on The Bourne Supremacy: it's really beginning to piss me off that the new "cool" thing to do with Hollywood movies, especially thrillers and action movies, is to use handheld cameras and make quick MTV-like shots.. In the latest Bourne movie, the cameraman was seriously CHASING some of the actors in the scenes. And everything was shot so close-up that you couldn't tell what all the action was. It's the kind of editing and camera work that makes me nauseatingly ill. My motion sickness kicks in and I seriously want to grab the directior by the nose and rip it off his face...

Okay, Corinne is ready to go...must flee...

Did I mention that I am moving again?  Yes, yes.  By this time next month, I will have moved into my new palace, my kingdom, my domain.  Granted, I have to share the bathroom with two girls, but I don't care so long as I am reunited with all my stuff and can get out of my current living situation. 

I don't know if any of you have lived long-term in someone else's house, in someone else's room, with someone else's stuff in the closet and on the walls, but for someone as OCD as I am, it's beginning to drive me crazy.  Add to that mix a roommate who has no boundaries when it comes to eating my food (I'm poor - I can't afford any more!), to using my razor (yes, she SO did!), or to walking into my room unannounced when I am half-naked, and, if you know me at all, you know my poor little brain is ready to explode!  I am looking forward to having a space I can call my own, even if I have to share the bathroom...

So, about this place: our new apartment is on the second and third floor of a Brownstone house.  On the second floor, there are two large bedrooms and a bathroom (with a jacuzzi and a washer/dryer combo).  Then, on the third floor is the third large bedroom (hopefully mine), with the kitchen and living room area.  The third floor has cathedral ceilings that are slanted and has a skylight so there is plenty of sun.  Finally, there is another set of stairs that lead to our rooftop deck!  It's really an amazing place, in a great location for us (close to where Corinne and I work, and close to Ada's mom's house so she can get the car and go to school), and inexpensive enough so that we three can afford to eat dinner on occasion (Corinne and I were coming up with extracurricular "activities" we could do so we could afford a really nice place earlier this month - like naked housekeeping and the like - so we're quite contented to have found someplace where we don't need to sell our ovaries to afford to live there).

Anywho, we are signing the lease this Thursday and expect to move in during the second or third week of August.  So, I guess you should expect an email from me with updated contact information in the next few weeks.  And maybe I'll even be writing from my own DSL-linked computer!!!  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!

Oh, and did I mention that I am painting my bedroom "mandarin"???  I am quite the happy puppy right now....

I know it has been a while, and not everyone reads my Blog, but there are a lot of questions I've been getting from people who have known Vince and I throughout the past several years. Some of you, might I say, seem quite stunned that we are no longer together. To be frank, sometimes I am too.

But we are both doing rather well these days, working on surviving the breakup, working through our emotions, working towards an everlasting friendship with each other, and working towards new relationships. Vince will tell you some of his stories if you tune into his new website, which can be linked from the old: http://neodem.blogspot.com. As for me, while I still miss my Vincent very much - the conversations, the trust, the intimacy - I am doing well and have begun anew with a lovely man named Anthony.

Things seem to be working out for me these days, even though I am struggling to start all over again. My new job, with the Committee of Seventy (http://www.seventy.org), begins the first week of August where I will be the Business Administrator and I am still working on getting a parttime job at the Lucky store downtown so I have some extra play money and a discount to one of the best stores ever! Corinne and I have also found a really fantastic apartment that is closer to both of our jobs and is rather affordable - it even has a jacuzzi in the bathroom! Of course, there is only one bathroom for three girls (Ada, a family friend of Corinne's, is also moving in with us), but I figure that if there are ever any issues regarding that, I've been trained to kill . And things, of course, have been moving along quite swimmingly with Anthony.

Granted, Anthony is leaving for Europe for a month and a half so I'll be left to my own devices, but things are going well enough that I think we might survive the time spent apart. I am sure that Corinne and Jimmy and Tom and the whole gang will keep me occupied during those several weeks....

Well, whatever. I am actually quite exhausted and have very little on my mind to discuss right now. I hope all you good little kiddies have the sweetest dreams this evening...

On leaving New York…

You know, Vincent really thinks I hate this city, and I suppose I do complain an awful lot about things. I think that may be a really bad quality in a person, to be constantly thinking the glass is half empty (shut up, Anthony), so I will do my best to reconcile that by telling you all (whoever you are) why it is that I love New York.

First and foremost, my apartment was amazing. For those of you who missed it, it was a three bedroom, two bath marvel with a gaggle of closet space that most New Yorkers would consider a luxury, if not a complete unknown. Vince and I decorated the place together, coming to what I consider an excellent compromise in function and beauty. You could say it was my first real apartment, replete with furniture I’d picked out, a refrigerator Vince lovingly moved in from Philadelphia, and all the urine stains my kitties could manage (would it kill you, Daisy, to work on your aim???). And Andrew even said it was the nicest apartment of all his friends’ apartments – not that Andrew’s opinion means much to all of you, but after all he is my Masshole and I was flattered.

Anyway, it was my first home away from home. Yeah, I lived in Philadelphia for six years, but that was all dorms and, to put it as mildly as I can, Vince’s “bachelor pad.” This was the first time I took part in the process of procuring, paying for, and creating a home to live in. For someone raised like I was, it is a truly liberating thing to be living on your own and taking care of your own responsibilities.

Another aspect of New York that I truly loved was being able to reacquaint myself with old friends. Mel and I were able to start up our friendship again, once we realized that Brooklyn and Inwood aren’t ALL that far away from each other. I saw my favorite narcoleptic, Dave K., once in a while too. I got to see Starr, Dara, Mark, Toni, and Mark more often than I did when we lived in different cities – in fact, even though we had lived in the same city for years, only blocks away from each other, I even managed to see Corinne more than I had when in Philly (strange, but true.) It may have taken me over a year of adjusting, but I finally have my finger on the pulse of New York, and more importantly, I have friends here.

Then there is New York itself. I’ve seen so many things – the Bronx Zoo, the cherry blossoms in the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, several Broadway shows, a comedy show, the Museum of Sex, the Cloisters, Central Park, the inside of a room at the Waldorf Astoria… There is no comparison if you’re looking for a city with something to offer in the way of entertainment. I’ve been to gay strip clubs, a lesbian bar, a transvestite bar (don’t ask), a lingerie party and so much more. I’ve pushed the boundaries and discovered a lot more truths about the world and myself through my experiences. New York gave me so much; I wish I could afford to give it more…

I’ll miss the Subway sandwich shop only a block away where the owner knows me and the Spanish girls really know how to make an Italian B.M.T.; the CVS pharmacy where the pharmacist actually knows my name; the tiny Asian postal employee that delivers my mail and always chats with me when I see her carting around her ten tons of packages; the Inwood Post Office where, no matter the time of day, the line is always out the door; Victor’s Gym, where all the Spanish guys behind the dumbbells know my name; the A Express train (for obvious reasons); all 2 million Starbuck’s I’ve frequented; the freaky, hairy man in Central Park who we mistook for wearing a shirt instead of only being one or two steps away from his ape ancestors in terms of body hair evolution; the escaped parakeet I found in Fort Tryon park; the guys at EMS in Soho that actually know the products they sell; the guys in front of the Union Square Barnes & Noble who sold me that Columbian child (I’m a sponsor for Children International, folks – his name is Eduardo); that gay boy named Vincent who works at Mexx, Vince’s favorite men’s clothing store; the AMC 25 and Loews Kips Bay where I spent many a Thursday night – not to mention the Baskin Robbins right across the street from the Loews where I spent many a Thursday late night (after the movie of course!); that Petco on 31st and 2nd where they have kitties in cages at the front of the store for adoption, with their life stories on index cards right outside their cages (what ever happened to my favorite one-eyed cat??!); the lovely Team in Training office on S. Park Avenue that helped me have focus these past few months, knowing exactly when and how to drive on the Henry Hudson Highway; the crazy, drunk homeless men who sit around the community garden all day and chat with one another, their shopping carts full of trash and memories not far off; our first floor neighbors whose kitchen I can see clearly from my office and our kitchen, who smoke a lot of weed and then do a TON of cooking; the Park Side Restaurant where I get my Sunday brunch and the Dyckman Deli where I get everything else, including Vince’s turkey sandwiches and Pirate’s Booty; not to mention the professional trumpet player in my building who practices every afternoon…. There are so many little things that I’ve grown to love over the past year that it would almost be a shame if I never came back to live here again.

But we will see. There is so much more of the world to explore and I intend to do a lot more of it! Once I’m financially capable, that is. Who knows where I will be next?! Life is such an exciting adventure, is it not?

Well, I did promise Michelle that if she comes to work on the East Coast for a few years, I will move out to the West Coast for a few years afterward. So maybe that will really happen.

In any case, right now I’m heading to Philadelphia. I sent out an email with my contact information so if you didn’t get it and think you should, go ahead and get in touch with me and I will determine if you are cool enough to be privy to that kind of information.

Anywho, all my love to New York and everyone in it…

I love my friend, Brian. His website is always full of useless, trivial things that I can use to fill up my day with...



"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
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