Vacation so perilous

"My dearest Darwin:

I could not make it to your wedding next weekend because some close-minded, half-assed criminals from your country thought it would be a lark to try to bomb airplanes flying from the UK to the US.

And I wanted so much to see you..."

This may be the note I have to send to my dear boy if my plane can't launch from Newark tomorrow evening.

In case you've been hiding under a rock, Scotland Yard just arrested a bunch of people in association with a plot to bomb some planes. Now the TSA has issued a code red alert and a huge number of flights in the UK were canceled. It appears that we will be cavity-searched before stepping on the plane as well.

IF we step on a plane. There are now some incredibly insane security steps for flying, even domestically. Continental informed me that I may not even be able to take a purse onto my flight, and that hair gel is by all means outlawed.

On the one hand, I know that this is all for our own benefit, for protection of "the people" as the powers that be might say, but at the same time I feel like turning the TSA into security Nazis just isn't the answer. Clearly, the terrorists are achieving their goals - getting the word out through massive amounts of press and mongering fear. That's right, these people are fear-mongerers. But is cowering in the corner and clamping down on the American people really our government's best answer?

This is clearly insane and I will just as clearly never understand the terrorist mind. Sometimes I wonder how achievable a working diplomatic relationship is, when the people with whom you are trying to converse are clearly so dogmatic as to become utterly immovable on any issue unless their goals are being met 100%. This is very much like dealing with an unruly two-year-old. I think it's time to put the Middle East in a very big time-out. Let's cut the umbilical cord here, folks. No more aid and assistance, we'll drop all our oil contracts, and Americans will just have to tighten their belts, carpool, and research viable fuel alternatives and/or public transportation initiatives. (Seriously, there can be no other reason for our presence in the Middle East. There is a humanitarian crisis in every country in Africa, and our presence is barely felt there - why? Because politically and economically, we have nothing to gain from them.) Let's just pull out and leave them to their own devices. They claim they want to be left alone, so let's do just that. Let's see how well they survive without Big Brother (that would be us in this case) watching over them and trying to keep everyone civil and safe.

Anyway, you can read more about how a bunch of crazies are trying to ruin my vacation. Or you can just skim the article I posted (from the BBC News website) below:

Police probe flights terror plot
Homes and businesses across England are being searched and 21 people questioned after a terror plot to blow up planes from the UK to US was disrupted.

Police are convinced they have the key players in custody, but a much wider investigation is only just beginning.

Peter Clarke, the head of Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch, said the network involved was large and global.

And US Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said the plot was "in some respects suggestive of al-Qaeda".

Security chiefs, who had had the group under surveillance for some time, said they were close to putting their plan - which police said would have caused "mass murder on an unimaginable scale" - into action.

Sources in the UK have confirmed that they believe an attack may have been imminent - possibly in the next few days.

"They had accumulated and assembled the capabilities that they needed and they were in the final stages of planning for execution," Mr Chertoff said.

They planned to detonate liquid explosives on up to 10 planes.

They would have smuggled it on board hidden in drinks, electronic devices and other "common objects".

At UK airports on Thursday - with the country on its highest terror alert of "critical" - bottles of water were taken from passengers and mothers asked to taste their babies' milk before it could be taken onto flights.

Mr Clarke said the surveillance involved in disrupting the plot had been "unprecedented" and had involved police forces in the UK and internationally.

It had only become apparent in the "last two weeks" that the target of the flights was the US, said Mr Chertoff.

Sources told the BBC the "principal characters" suspected of being involved in the plot were British-born. There are also understood to be linked to Pakistan.

The suspects were rounded up in raids in London, High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, and Birmingham. All are being held in London.

Searches continue at several addresses and people were evacuated from some homes in High Wycombe in Thursday.

Meanwhile, chaos continues at UK airports with Heathrow the worse affected.
Thousands of flights have been cancelled and many more delayed.

Passengers who do make it onto flights, are not allowed to take any hand luggage with them.

Stephen Nelson, chief executive of airport operator BAA, said it was the first time that airports had "faced a security mandate of this scale and severity".

And Heathrow chief executive Tony Douglas said there would "inevitably" be delays at the airport on Friday and passengers should arrive prepared.

Home Secretary John Reid said the government was "confident" the ring leaders were in custody but it was not complacent.

Prime Minister Tony Blair, on holiday in the Caribbean, paid tribute to the police and the security services.

US President George W Bush said the alleged plot was a "stark reminder that this nation is at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom."

You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do.

You scored as Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones is an archaeologist/adventurer with an unquenchable love for danger and excitement. He travels the globe in search of historical relics. He loves travel, excitement, and a good archaeological discovery. He hates Nazis and snakes, perhaps to the same degree. He always brings along his trusty whip and fedora. He's tough, cool, and dedicated. He relies on both brains and brawn to get him out of trouble and into it.

Indiana Jones 58%
Lara Croft 54%
Batman, the Dark Knight 50%
Maximus 50%
James Bond, Agent 007 46%
The Amazing Spider-Man 46%
William Wallace 46%
Captain Jack Sparrow 42%
The Terminator 42%
El Zorro 33%
Neo, the One 25%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Too excited about my trip to be productive

Stolen from one Ms. Erin Kelly Murphy...

1. Name: Ryan, but I'll answer to just about everything.
2. Age/Birthday: You needn't know my birthday - I'll accept gifts at any time.
3. Single or Taken: Totally taken. I mean, my god, we have a dog.
4. Favorite Movie: I'm with Rob here - there are movies I love enough to watch over and over and over and over... Dead Poets Society, Office Space, Clerks, Full Metal Jacket, Pride and Prejudice, Gattaca, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Muppet Christmas Carol...
5. Favorite Song: My goodness, only one? Not humanly possible.
6. Favorite Band/Rapper/Artist: I absolutely love painful, tragic, passionate lyrics in the singer-songwriter tradition, so I listen a lot to people like Norah Jones, Damien Rice, Beth Hart Band, Live, Johnny Cash, Billie Holiday, Beth Orton, Frank Sinatra, Bonnie Prince Billy, Jude, Cat Stevens, Martin Sexton, yadda, yadda, yadda. But I also really like heavier rock, such as Korn or Godsmack. And to keep yapping on about nothing, I also like happier tunes, such as those created by Social Distortion, Bouncing Souls, Buena Vista Social Club, Bob Marley, The Refreshments, Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly... And really, I will stop there before I really start boring you to tears...
7. Favorite Book/Comic Book: Probably To Kill a Mockingbird. But I read so many damn books, it's sincerely hard to remember them all.
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: 0. No seriously, 0. No pierced ears, no tats, nada.
9. Favorite TV Show: America's Next Top Model (how many different times can I say, "I love those skinny bitches?"), Rockstar, The Simpsons, World BBC News. Except for that last bit, I watch tv for the pure vegetation of it.
10. Favorite Video Game/Board Game: Scrabble. But nobody will play with me. :(
11. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal? Woman, has it really been 9 years? Good god.
12. Would you give me a kidney? You know I love you, but no. (I had one surgically removed in 2001 so I can't really survive without the second.)
13. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: Not really odd or interesting, but it seems to fascinate the coworkers... I know how to operate an Uzi.
14. If you could change anything about your current life, would you? If I could change it, don't you think I would?
15. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? This doesn't even make any sense. You already did fill this out...

Why Grace will soon hate me

I have been working my butt off and not getting any sleep for the last week or so now, all in preparation to go on vacation next week. Grace and Pookie will be left in the capable hands of my dear friends Morgan and Nathalie (who now are officially warned that I will not hesitate to seek revenge a thousand-fold if anything happens to my babies) for the duration.

I already know that Pookie will be fine, so long as he gets his two squares a day, with minimal fuss from the human (a.k.a. servant) dishing it out. It is our dear little Grace that worries me.

The last time we left her alone, other than for the usual work day, her ears whipped back, her eyes grew to the size of softballs, and these all-over body trembles commenced. It was, by far, the saddest display I have ever witnessed. My dog is seriously pathetic.

And the entire time we were out, Anthony kept saying, "We need to get back to our little girl. I feel SO bad."

What are we going to do now that we will be away for 10 whole days? Anthony will go into spasms from all the guilt. And I will constantly be worrying - is she getting fed? Is she being crated too much? Was there some emergency nobody told me about? Did the landlord lock Morgan and/or Nathalie out?

By the time we get back, Grace will probably hate us. These are the thoughts that go through our heads as we prepare for vacation. If only it were easier to travel with ALL of our loved ones. Someone should sincerely look into opening an airline that caters to animal lovers, where owners and their pets can travel together in the seated area of the plane.

But anyway, Grace will be livid, and The Kid (Pookie) will continue in his apathy. In the meantime, Anthony and I will be delighting in the wonders of N. Ireland and the Czech Republic. More importantly, however, we will be there with Da' Momma to celebrate Darwin's wedding! It is almost more excitement than I can stand.

S is for "slacking," it's good enough for me

I spent the weekend in Huntsville. And by that I mean that I spent half of it in Tennessee and half of it in Alabama.

Martha, Mel, Michelle and I were attempting a college roommate reunion, inspired by our five-year college reunion this past May. We managed a 75% turnout, despite the massive thunderstorms in the northeast that were causing some majorly icky airline delays. Michelle just wussed out and wouldn't pay the million dollars for a flight from the west coast.

In any case, my weekend was full of food and conversation - the perfect kind of vacation for me! The only thing it was missing was sleep. But we were really able to reconnect and remind ourselves why we're friends in the first place. It was absolutely fabulous.

And now that I'm back, I'm still trying to pretend I have enough energy to get through the week. I've been training myself on some new metrics software program at work all day, but I don't think it's sinking in all too well. Try, try again...

In the meantime, I pulled this off of Erin's website, which I believe I already did another version of, but that may have only been on my MySpace account (before I deleted it):

A is for - Age: 26. 27 in November.
B is for - Bust Size: Small.
C is for - Career in future: International Humanitarian Aid Worker / Foreign Service Officer
D is for - Dad's name: David
E is for - Essential item to bring to a party: A camera, for bribe-worthy photos!
F is for - Favorite song at the moment: The A-Team theme song
G is for - Guys you've kissed: Um, I went to college and Mardi Gras - there is no way I remember all that information!
H is for - Hometown: Clinton, MA.
I is for - Instruments you play: Not a gosh-darn one.
J is for - Job title: Process Analyst. Sounds spiffy, don't it?
K is for - Kids: Eh.
L is for - Living arrangement: I get the last two inches of the bed, Grace gets the rest. Oh, and occasionally Anthony stops by.
M is for - Mom's name: MaryLee. (If she sees this, she will kill me.)
N is for - Number of people you've slept with: Why is this important to post on the internet again?
O is for - Overnight hospital stays: Only one - after having a kidney removed. And the nurses were EVIL.
P is for - Phobia[s]: None.
Q is for - Quote: "Damn the man! Save the Empire!" Marc, from Empire Records.
R is for - Relationship that lasted the longest: Vince, 3 1/2 years (I think).
S is for - Sexual position: Uhhhh...
T is for - Time you wake up: 5:30AM. The cat won't allow me to sleep in.
U is for - Unique trait: I sing and dance when eating something particularly tasty - and I don't even notice I'm doing it. It's a trait that runs in the family.
V is for - Vegetable you love: Spinach.
W is for - Worst habit: Talking over people.
X is for - X-rays you've had: Mouth, chest, intestinal/kidney area...I'm an X-ray MACHINE.
Y is for - Yummy food you make: Meatloaf, lamb chops, steak... you name it, I can probably find a recipe for it.
Z is for - Zodiac sign: Scorpio.

Like the ultimate slacker Kevin Smith will never be

I could write more often. I could babble about how the world has gone mad - or at least the Middle East - or how I spend every day after work just walking my dog and doing laundry. But, what it really comes down to is the fact that I'm lazy. I am not as motivated as some of these over-achievers (who I firmly believe are all on crack or speed or whatever their salary affords them) so I don't get everything into each 24-hour day. These days, I like to sit on my tush, curl up with my puppy, and just veg the heck out.

So I haven't really done anything since watching The Delta Force. I've gone to work every Monday through Friday. I've walked the dog about 50 times. I even spent a few hours with Eric watching Super Troopers. (Please, don't follow my lead on this one.) But there is no earth-shattering news on the home front.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers

(source of quote: Bill Cosby)

Laughter is all that got me through this weekend's screening of The Delta Force, with Chuck Norris. That and a bottle of wine.

Seriously though, folks, don't rent this one, unless you're running your own version of Mystery Science Theatre. Eric was kind enough to bring the one-liners, which he probably got from the Top Ten Facts about Chuck Norris:

1. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
5. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
6. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
7. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
8. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
9. Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
10. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

These are the facts that you need to know before watching such classics as The Delta Force, which somehow Anthony was astounded to find that none of us had seen (other than him, of course).

I sincerely CAN'T WAIT for Bad Movie Night: The Return.

And yes, that is typed with sarcasm. Full, unbridled sarcasm.